My Life and Other Sad Things

when we first became

when we first became friends
you read all of my poetry
and rated them 1 through 10
and gave me a list of favorites
here is one that you pointed out to me
as being special to you:

Everything was fading. Do you know what it feels like to want something you can't have? No matter how much you love him, you can't have him. It isn't right. You're love is pure, but he is not. The devastation rolls off on you in waves. That is my life.

Everything is so wrong. He should be beside you. Holding you and muttering his affections in your ear. Instead, here you are, alone.

I just wish I could have him back. I'm so sure he'd start over if there was not a chance at hurting me again, but he will hurt me, because no matter how much he denies it, he loves me too. But he's a coward. That will never change. So here you are, alone.

He stares at you with coal colored eyes, and that smirk. It sends you into a frenzy. It was just you mind. It's just a mirage. He's not really there. No matter what you do, you just keep hoping. It never leaves. So you just stare blankly, trying to be numb, but you don't get the luxury. So here you are, alone.

Why did he do this to me? He's just a guy. You shouldn't be so caught up in his drama. You can't help yourself. He's like your drug. You can't get enough. But he's gone now, so he no longer sees you. Leaving you unable to get the high you so desperately crave. So here you are, alone.

You're soul cries out. It tears and rips and burns. No one can here. Alone in darkness. Alone in misery. Here you are, alone. Alone. Here you are, alone.

You can't go back. He wants you, but he won't face his fears. You can't go back. Stop that! Don't you see? Stop! Stop. Deep breaths. You can move on. No. Stop! Yes, yes. You can. No. No. No.

Think of something good. It doesn't help. You can't have that goodness. You can't have him. He's alone. He wants to be alone.

So here you are, alone.

i was a really
dramatic preteen

i think i was probably 13 or 14
when this was written
but your headspace
at the time
was in this poem

it reached you
now i will
be forever
trying to reach
you