A Name To A Face

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You found yourself waking up on the floor. You could still hear rain pounding on the windows. You sat up and felt dull pain shoot across your body. Your leg was asleep, your neck had a crick in it, and your back ached. Your eyes felt puffy and your face had dried moisture that clinged. You felt exhausted.

Picking yourself off the floor, you wipe away the dried out streams from your cheeks. You still felt sobs and hiccups trying to escape your chest and you accidentally let one go. You cover your mouth and squeeze your eyes shut, trying to forget what happened only hours ago. You wander around your room, bumping into various objects, trying to lose yourself in the sound of rain.

You tripped over a chair and you fell onto the ground. The chair crashed onto the ground and the noise rebounded off the walls as your knees met the wood once again. Another sob released from your throat and you found yourself uncontrollably making noise. Ugly sounds escaped from your lips and you prayed no one could hear you be so vulnerable.

You heard a knock on the door and you decided on cursing the Gods instead.

"Are you okay?" you heard a voice call out from behind your door. You recognized Steven's tone and you felt like dying.

You tried to answer back, but you couldn't formulate words. Sobs and hiccups answered for you and you hoped the door muffled them to some degree.

"I'm coming in!" he said, opening the door, the sound of the doorknob seemed akin to scraping nails.

You tried to stand up from the floor, to make yourself look decent, but you found yourself glued to the spot. Your brain screamed at your legs to move, but they were like gel. Your toes slipped on the hardwood and you found yourself on your side, trying to hold yourself up with your elbows.

You saw Steven burst in with concern on his face, scanning the room at eye level until he peered down. Seeing you he crouched down and helped you sit up properly, his hands on your back to help stabilize you.

You stared at him the whole time, looking into the deep blue which seemed so calming and grounding. He stared back, his eyes drowned in feelings of fear, curiosity, and concern. You felt safe with him here and you allowed more sobs and hiccups to free themselves. No tears came out but you were sad, the kind of sadness that gripped your soul and wrung it dry.

You curled into Steven, searching for stability. His other hand reached out and held your other side, sort of hugging you and sort of holding you. Your smaller hands reached out and wrapped themselves around the back of his neck, hanging off of him so you don't fall again. You felt like a child but you didn't care, Steven helped you feel safe. You don't know why, you've only known him for a day, but he just did.

That was all you needed.

You felt as if you could breathe again. The sobs subsided and you were left with an empty feeling in your chest. Steven's strong arms held you and you felt warm but it never reached your heart or spirit. There was only one thing you wanted to say to this man. A part of you was glad he was there but...

You reached upwards to his face and slapped it. It wasn't hard but it wasn't light. You couldn't muster up the strength to hit him too forcefully but you put all the emotion you could into that slap. Steven looked down at you, confusion bouncing in his eyes.

"Where were you?" you whispered, voice barely leaving your throat. Steven stared down at you and shook his head.

"I don't understand." he said, voice quiet but solemn.

Your hand never left his face. You felt his stubble scratch your palms and you twisted your face. How could he not understand? Did he not hear? Did he not listen?

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