I Want You Here When I Wake Up

9

Louis POV
As I walk home from my mum's house I can shake an eerie feeling that's settling in my gut. Maybe it's because I let Harry play soccer, maybe it's the guilt of leaving the house such a mess, maybe it's the thought that Harry might actually be okay and I might not really know him at all. I really don't want to know which one it is, especially if  it's the last one.

I got off the elevator and stepped into the hallway of our ninth story apartment, I felt like I just walked into a horror movie. Something was definitely wrong. I tried to keep my calm and walked steadily until I reached door twenty eight, I put my key into the lock expecting that when I opened the door I would be confronted with a messy apartment and probably an angry Harry.
Except when I walked in I didn't find any of that.

My heart was pounding in my chest. My mind was racing. My legs were frozen. What happened? Am I in the wrong apartment? The kitchen was spotless, laundry was done and folded neatly in the basket. It was faintly lit so I turned in the lights in the living area. Also clean. The only other lights that were on were the ones in my bedroom. I thought I turned those off though. I called out to Harry.

A few seconds went by and no response. I tried again, this time walking closer to my bedroom. Still no response. I was still twenty feet away when I heard a loud sound do somebody crashing to the floor. I rushed into the room.

HARRY! I screamed when I saw my best friend laying on the floor, slightly curled into a ball, shaking while tears were overflowing from his eyes down to his cheeks.  My own tears started to run down my face as I ran to his side. This was all my fault.

I was slouched against the hard wooden bed frame, I gently tried to lift Harry slightly so instead of laying on the floor I could hold him. I put one arm over his shoulder and the other through the crook of his neck, placed my head on the top of his and cried. I cried with him, for him, I cried because I knew he hurt so much more than words could ever explain.

I didn't let out any long sobs, I couldn't I had to let Harry do that. I was afraid that if I let out a sob I would never be able to stop. So instead I sat there, holding Harry in my arms, stroking his hair, rocking him gently back and forth. Harry was still shaking but not nearly to the extreme as when I first got here. I need him to be okay.

I don't know how long it has been, it must have been a while because I could no longer cry actual tears just the pain and stains on my cheeks remain. I still had Harry in my arms. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I couldn't look at him and feel my heart shatter all over again right now, so instead, I started at the blank wall in front of us. I knew Harry was still awake from the tension that was still in his shoulders, by the constant small slaying of his body, the almost inaudible moans filled with pain that left his lips from time to time.

I'm sorry. The words shocked me. I looked down to see glassy emerald eyes pleading. " I'm sorry Lou" the tears continued in his eyes while they started back up again in mine. Harry, I croaked out. "Don't you dare ever apologize to me again about this. This is no way your fault."

This wasn't his fault at all, out of every person on earth Harry did not deserve this. Crying in the middle of the night is not what he should be doing. That was made for people like me who are inconsiderate jerks who can't help someone they love. Harry deserves every gorgeous beach sunset, every star in the sky, he deserves everything. Everything I can't give to him because I'm the reason why he is crying and shaking in the middle of the night. This is my fault. Harry will be much better without me in his life.

"Harry, I know you're hurting but we need to get you in bed okay. The floor isn't good for you." All I got as a response was a soft wince when I finally got Harry to sit up. "I know, I know, you can stay in my room Haz. You don't have to even walk, just help me by standing up, then you can lay down on the bed. You'll feel better" I was trying to convince myself this would help even though I wasn't so sure. Harry held out his arms and I grabbed them trying as gently as I could to bring him to his feet just enough so he could reach the bed.

Just the sight of Harry's face wincing when he went to lay his head down on the pillow was enough confirmation for me. I just had to make sure he got to sleep safely tonight. I walked over to the other side of the bed and sat down next to him. In the short time it took me to get where I was, Harry was already fast asleep. Asleep in a world where he was safe, a world that he wasn't in pain. I bet it was a world without me in it.