I Want You Here When I Wake Up

21

Harry's POV

I didn't even realize I slept for the entire day when I finally made my wake to a clock. It was already 10:57 pm and mom was asleep. There were a bunch of homemade lists and notes scattered around the kitchen counters and table all filing back to the same thing. Me. I had been avoiding almost every single aspect of this but I couldn't really run from it anymore. I had 24 hours until I had to call the hospital and give them my answer. Yes or no. It should have been an easy choice, a logical choice. I should want to get better. But why should I get better? I'm sure it would be nice to not be in pain but I'm not always in it. It's not always constant, unlike other pain. But if I do it what would I even do after? Nobody's here to help guide me or my recovery. Maybe reading all of these things will actually help. After all, it is rude to have so many people working hard for me to just completely ignore everything they have been working on, so I pull out a chair, sit down and start reading each note one by one starting with the doctor papers then the pre-surgical units papers, then the notes my mom had made over the past week.

This is all so drowning, the high vocabulary and just the sheer amount of words I've had to read is seriously hard. I even made a cup of coffee to help me stay awake, it probably wasn't helping that I'm doing this in the dead of the night but lately that's been my life, unconventional and hard.

I never noticed the sun start to peak over the horizon. I was still glued to my chair, the fatigue and pain really starting to sink in after being here all night.

" you know we need an answer today" her voice rattled me but I still didn't move.

" I know" uncertainty still controlled my voice as I continued to look I've countless bits of information. That seemed to satisfy her and she went back to sleep.

*a few hours later*

It's 12:00 pm and technically I have to call the hospital in 5 hours and still have absolutely no clue what I'm going to do. It feels like all information has gone in one ear and out the other, just leaving me with an empty brain. This is really starting to stress me out.

Mom came back into the kitchen with her hair all wet signaling she took a shower, quietly she pulled her chair close to mine and sat down. She didn't say anything for quite awhile but rather she just studied my face as I continued to read all the documents. How have I not finished reading at this point? It's been like ten hours!

"What are you thinking" the silence was broken

" I don't know" there's almost no emotion behind my voice.

"You have to be thinking something, it's a big decision" I could feel my anger bubble up from my core sizzling on the tip of my tongue.

" You think I don't know that? Do you think I don't understand how big this decision is? How am I supposed to make a decision that can leave me dead? It's not an easy choice!" My voice sent vibrations through the air, settling a look of pure shock and horror settling in her soft features.

"Harry"

"NO! don't lecture me on this you've never dealt with this. You never had to accept that you'll be in pain for the rest of your life then suddenly get told you could potentially be fine. You don't know how much pain this caused, it was never just pop some Advil and a heating pad and be fine you never saw the worst of it!"

" Harold, do not talk to me like that!" Now we were both yelling.

" Quite trying to understand you just don't! The only other person that understands to any extent what my pain can be like is Louis, and it was bad enough it made him run off and not even talk to me. Everything good that has ever happened to me has turned to slap me right across my face. Anything good that happens is immediately followed by something terrible so I'm sorry if it's not some cookie-cutter decision to say yes like it is for you!"

I stood up feeling the heat of my words in my face and grabbed Louis hoodie and whatever was near it then walked straight through the door not caring how loud the slam that followed was.

I went to the only other place on earth that I felt safe. The park. But this time it didn't take away my anger, it enhanced it. Maybe that's because I basically knew Louis was at my fingertips but that he is still lost in another world. Maybe because I know I can't continue to run.

Since no one else is here and I didn't see anybody else walk this way while I came here I determined it was safe to let go of everything.

So I screamed, I screamed until ripples formed on the top of the pond. I kicked, I kicked the trees and bushes until my feet hurt. It felt good. I hadn't realized how incredibly angry I have been. I needed to let it go for just a second.

I made my way back to the tree that somehow had turned into my second home and collapsed into it, closing my eyes as I sunk down into the ground. I know it's not night time but I still have to look into the sky.

" Why is it always me? It's always me who gets hurt. It's me who people forget about. It's always me who people replace. It's always me that ends up in pain. Why for once can't I have something easy? Why is it always so hard?"

It was surprisingly chilly today so I went to throw on Louis' sweatshirt since I didn't bring one of my own in my fit of rage. As I threw it over my head I heard the crinkling of paper inside the pocket. When I pulled it out it was all crumbled and had what appeared to be water stains. Gently I started to unfold it.

I recognized it all too well, it held the worst knees of my life. It's what caused this spiral of emotional torment. His letter. I can see the entire last one replaying in my head as the tears burn down my cheeks only adding to the distress of the paper. Finally, my eye comes back into focus on the last few lines.

There is only one thing I ask of you, please see a doctor for your back. I know it's scary but please? I need you to be alright.

It is always for him. My reason why has always been him. Even if I can't see him I can make him happy.

Anne's POV

I can't believe Harry blew up like that, he's always been such an incredible loving boy and all of a sudden he seems haunted by demons. I can't even fathom how hard it must be on him but he's not in it alone, I'm here. I wish he could just see that.

* ring. ring. ring*

My telephone starts to ring, I'm expecting it to be the hospital since it's already 5:45 and I haven't called to give them an answer. What am I supposed to say? I don't know what Harry wants to do? I slide my finger across the glass of fate and pull the phone to my ear. " Hello"

"Hello, Mrs. Styles, it's Tiffany from the hospital. I'm calling to just get some more information regarding your and Harry's insurance for the procedure."

Wait for what? Isn't that only necessary when you've already confirmed the decision? I haven't done that yet.

" I'm sorry I'm a bit confused. When did you get a statement saying we would be doing the procedure?" I tried to not show the worry that was consuming my voice.

" Oh just about 20 minutes ago actually, Harry called Dr. Sheeran personally and confirmed his decision. I would have expected him to tell you, I'm sorry."

Huh? Harry decided to go for the surgery? Now that's one thing I did not predict right about my baby. But I still don't understand, why? Why after everything he said earlier?

" I'm aware this is unexpected news for you Mrs. Styles but we have an opening for two days from now in which we can do the procedure and we need to run this through the insurance and schedule the pre-op so I'm really going to need your cooperation at the moment ."

Almost in a daze, I gave Tiffany all of our information while my eyes stayed glued on the front door waiting for Harry to walk through.

Harry's POV

I decided to stay here after I made the call to Dr. Sheeran. My entire life is about to change whether I like it or not. I really hope I'm doing the right thing.

As if the universe heard my plea when I looked back into the newly descended night sky a third star has appeared. A small bubble of hope began to float in my chest, thank you, Louis.