I Want You Here When I Wake Up

11

Harry's POV
Hell is finally over. The wind is blowing generally through the trees causing a symphony to form from the Brussel of leaves and branches, chimes of birds coming and going. The ripples of the pond following the rhythm. The sun is glowing effortlessly in the sky allowing every color imaginable to shine before my eyes.

How did I get so lucky to find this place? It's not every day you can go to a place that might as well be heaven in a fairy tale. I must have fallen asleep because it's now morning and I know it's definitely been too long to since I left my lecture. I definitely don't want to leave but I can't do anything but sit and observe. Observe the beauty my eyes are blessed with.

My mind is empty but in the best way possible. An emptiness that only allows for good things to come. You see it's almost like when your dreaming and everything is effortless like nobody can drag you down that you'll be able to fly forever. I guess that's what nature just does to you.

I always know when I'm at my happiest because I start hoping, hoping about everything. Hope is not something I'm used to, you see for a long time I hoped I would get better, find treatment, and have my ordinary life back without having to worry about every little thing. I stopped hoping for things to get better. I stopped hoping for people to treat me as they had before everything, I stopped hoping for anything. If you don't hope then you won't be crushed when things don't work out.

I think that if you hope for something it won't happen, some people say that's karma for something bag you've done, I simply think that when someone starts hoping for something they stop working for it. But right now I accepted my hope because it was something I know I can accomplish. Bring Louis here.

I don't really know what it is but I just know Louis would love it here. Almost in a cue, I can picture us running through the trees and around the lake, Louis would probably try to climb a tree and get stuck. I wish I could stay here forever. I wish I could stay here forever with Louis, my best friend.

It's actually kinda funny, you see I've never really dated many people, a few girls here and there but I never felt the need to find somebody because I had Louis. I mean why go through all the heartbreak and pain when I could just have my best mate with me? Everything is just easier with him than any other person. It's nice to know that whenever I need him he will always be there. Louis is the only thing in the world I will ever hope for because after everything I've gone through not even the universe has to power to take him away from me.

I keep seeing memories of Louis and I pop up in my head playing out of the reflective lake surface almost like a movie. Everything from the first time we met back in high school to the time we snuck out of my house during a sleepover just to go to a secret bakery (Louis said they had the best tea so we just had to try it), to the Leeds festival we went to two years ago, I was absolutely hammered but I had to best time of my life although I don't remember much mainly the things Louis has told me about it.

Almost if on cue I can feel his presence. I felt as if Louis was right here next to me. I feel as if I'm being guarded by the wind that has started appearing. With every breeze, I can inhale the scent of Louis. Well technically ya the scent of the laundry detergent I use when I wash his clothes but it still brings me peace.  Being wrapped up in happy memories and the scent of Louis I can't help but tilt my head back and drift away from my own head.

Before I even opened my eyes, I felt the fatigue. I felt the way my body did not want to move. I opened my eyes to a familiar yet unfamiliar sight. What in the world was I doing in Louis' room? How did I get here if I was just at the park?

I look down into my hands to see them wrapped tightly around something. Louis' green Adidas sweatshirt. My grip got tighter and my heartbeat quickened as the memories from last night flooded back into my brain like a tsunami. The cleaning. The pain. The tears. and Louis.

Louis was the one who took care of me. He was the one who let me cry my pain out, he was the one who didn't get mad at me for hurting. He allowed me to be me. He helped dry my tears, he held me until I basically fell asleep. Louis was the person who got me through the night, even if it partly was because of his mess. Louis was there. Louis made the pain go away, even in my dream he protected me.

I suddenly was hit with bullets of regret, all this time I was believing that Louis was being paranoid about my injury. I was so convinced that he was determined to make it a bigger deal than what it was that I never even stopped to think that it's basically his injury too. He's lived through every piece of this journey with me. He saw me lose everything and couldn't do anything about it. He wasn't trying to ruin my day or pester me, he was afraid of seeing me lose more of my life.

I have to apologize to Louis, I have to thank him for everything he's done for me, I have to apologize for being so selfish and not realizing what he's done sooner. I have to tell him how much I need him with me.

One thing just doesn't make sense. If I'm in Louis' room then where is Louis? It was at this thought I noticed how eerily quiet the apartment was. No lights were on, there was no sound of the tea kettle or the tv. No even footsteps were happening, the only sound was my unsteady breathing. In case Louis was sleeping I didn't want to yell out to him, also because I'm sure I'd get a noise complaint if I yelled. So instead I placed my feet on the cold hardwood bedroom floor and stood up.

I couldn't let go of Louis' hoodie, it felt like it was protecting me just like Louis. I still couldn't walk very fast as my body protested moving more than it has in years, so step by step I slowly moved towards the hallway. 

When I made it to the bedroom door Stopped to take a breather so my pain wouldn't get completely out of control. I took a glance around the rest of the apartment and back into Lou's room, it felt empty. Terribly empty. I started to notice the differences between now and last night. Things were missing. Louis' shoes were gone, all of Louis' bags plus the black duffle bag we used when traveling were gone. The only things of Louis that I could find were the hoodie I held in my hands and a shirt that was gently placed at the foot of the bed. Something isn't right.

The walk to the kitchen seems to last an eternity, the first thing I saw was the almost empty laundry cabinet. Everything that belonged to Lou was gone. I couldn't help it now, I started yelling for Louis.

" Louis, Louis are you here"  it was when I turned to the island my heart stopped, all that lasted there was a note messily sketched on a piece of old paper. I walked hesitantly forward.
"Lou" I questioned out loud as if I was begging it to not be from him.

No, no, no, how could he possibly do this? How could he possibly believe that he is the reason for my back pain? He's the only person that's ever been able to get me out of it. How could he just get up and walk away? How could he leave me all alone? I dropped to the floor cursing at the universe. How come the best thing in my life decides to just get up and walk away? How come the only person that's made my life bearable feels like he's the reason for the pain that you decided I had to go through! Why! Why am I stuck in this constant hell that I must call my fucking life? What did I do to deserve this?