I Want You Here When I Wake Up

20

Harry's POV
When I got home mom was waiting for me in the kitchen, sitting at the table that was covered with all sorts of papers. As I walked through the door he almost ran to hug me
" I'm so glad you're safe. You really had me worried. You have to quit doing that"
I let myself melt into her loving arms
" I know, I'm sorry I just had to clear my mind and we'll I guess it worked a little too well"
We both let out a small giggle while finally releasing one another. When she fought my eyes gazing to the table trying to figure out what all the paper where
" There were all the papers from the doctors, documents and surgery information and such" he held a scared tone in her voice, I knew she was trying to not make me upset. I mean I certainly can't get mad at her for educating herself, she's only trying to help me in the long run. But that doesn't mean I want to talk about right now when I just cleared my head.
" come on, let's go watch some movies"
I gladly agreed and walked over to the couch, grabbing a blanket on my way as my mom went deeper into the kitchen to make the two of us popcorn. She soon came over and sat next to me and we began watching. Soon after I felt my eyelids close and I fell asleep.

I woke up to the smell of French toast and strawberry's dancing around the apartment. I smiled then walked into the kitchen. There was already a plate made up for me so I took a seat and gobbled it up as if I've never seen food before. You know maybe it isn't so bad to be a mommas boy when she treats you like a king. Speaking of which she sat down right in front of me eating her own plate. I could tell she was trying to make this whole process easier for me, after all it is my decision. There was an awkward silence we booth know what she wants to say but I'm still not ready so I just shook my head and she understood and didn't say a word about it.

All I did the rest of the day was watch movies and sometimes I would start to consider the weight of information I was given, it's not like I wanted too but I knew I had too. But my head was still not ready every time I started to think about the actual surgery my head would begin to race, my palms started to sweat, and I felt as if I couldn't breathe. Anytime this happened I would just remember my happy place and eventually, I got to be okay. But every time I got to be okay something weird would come across me, almost as if I suddenly got empty as if I was missing a part of me. It was wired but I'm pretty sure that might just be the stress talking.

I woke up the next morning just off, like when you just know that something bad is going to happen. I don't know if I can handle having another off day after the last few months I've been through. Mother quickly noticed something dreary hanging over my head.
"Is everything okay honey?" She came over wrapping me up in a baby blue blanket, it still smelled of him and I felt a little better.
" I just feel off, I don't know what it is but something is wrong"

We both sat in silence for a while although I don't quite mind it. I heard the shuffling of feet fade out then back in.
"Why dint you show me what you took pictures of the other day?" I could tell she hoped this would cheer me up. I took my time debating my choice, it could help distract me but also I'm not sure if I want to share my safe place with anybody else, kinda selfish I know. Ultimately I decided I needed a distracting because the twist in my gut just kept getting stronger. "Okay"

We moved the coffee table closer and I hooked my camera to my computer and started pulling up the photos. I handed her the computer so she could look.
"This is where I went. And these are the photos I took"
Her jaw almost literally dropped to the floor as she looked at every photo.
" Harry this place is beautiful and these photos are unbelievable! I can't believe you really took these. I'm so proud of you!" It meant a lot that she loved the photos but who wouldn't fall in love with the scenery. I didn't say anything I just watched as each new photo popped up making a mental note of my favorites.

" Oh my gosh, Harry this one is stunning! I need you to send this to me so I can get it made into a canvas and hang it back home!" I immediately knew the photo, it was the one where I had to crawl into a small divot in the roots of a tree. I continued staring at the photo. I just couldn't take my eyes off of it. Scanning up and down my heart began to panic. In the bottom right-hand corner was green. Not the green that the rest of the camera picked up but my green. His green. The green that connected me with what I last had of him.
"The sweatshirt" was almost inaudible as I jumped up grabbing my keys and almost running out the door. I felt so horrid, how could I just leave it literally in the dirt. My eyes began to prickle with tears as I walked in the reminisce of afternoon sun all the way until I reached the park. Please. Please. Please let it be here I started saying out loud the moment I could see the familiar old street lights. Please. Please let it be here.

When I finally came upon the entrance of trees it only took me a second to identify the exact tree, it wasn't that hard due to its distinct base. I jogged as much as my body would allow me and began searching the area. I got on my hands and knees knowing I would only regret that very soon but my comfort level is less important than finding this sweatshirt at the moment. I crawled everywhere, I dug through dirt, I even went to the base of the lake and I couldn't find my- Louis' sweatshirt.

I slowly crawled back to where it all began at the base of the tree, I climbed in the little divot and looked out into the sky. There was only one star in the sky. A little, well giant pang to my heart. It meant that Louis is hurting too. I don't have any doubts anymore that he's my soulmate. But sometimes soulmates still don't end up together. I leaned into the hard trunk and let my tears falls down, losing yet another piece of me all over again. I couldn't look out into the emptiness anymore so instead I tilted my head higher and began staring into the leaves of the tree. Something caught my eye, it almost looked like fabric. I tried to get up and reach it but the entirety of my back had gone numb, only a reminder of the only thing I truly should be thinking about right now.

When I finally got up I could easily reach the fabric standing from underneath, it wasn't that high, for once I thanked my long legs and grabbed it. The soft fleece had looked like it hadn't been through the wash in ages, the poor thing has probably been stuck here for ages. I tried to dust it off to see if it had a name or anything on it, all the tag said it was a size
S/M. I looked over that the front had a giant logo and the second I recognized it I started to panic. Fila was written largely across the sweater, it's at this time I realized it was the same color as the Fila sweater Louis got last year at Christmas. This can't be real. This can't be his. What are the odds that I lose his sweatshirt here only to find another one of his in almost the exact same spot? Unless. Unless this is where Louis has been for the past month.

I almost felt a sense of relief knowing that Louis might have been in this very spot at me, maybe even within the last three days, maybe he had his sweatshirt. I stood, plastered up against the tree thanking my one star in the sky that I still had some connection to Louis.

When my phone started to buzz I knew who it was, I felt bad not answering but instead, I just started making my way home down the chilly streets. As soon as I walked inside I walked straight into my bedroom, shut the light off, crawled into bed, and fell asleep. Human interaction right now, unless it was Louis, was not a good idea.