I Want You Here When I Wake Up

15

Harry's POV
Silence lingers in the air freezing time allowing our eyes to meet in a story to be told without one word. I knew the moment I opened the door I was in trouble.

"Harry Edward Styles. Where the hell have you been? Why the hell haven't you called or texted me? If you're still alive, which it seems you are, why haven't you been to school in three almost four weeks?"

"Mom i-"

I could see her eyes wide and she took in the surroundings of my apartment, it was only then that I saw what I have been living in. Almost as soon as concern filled her eyes I could see the overwhelming feeling of anger enter, the feeling I knew all too well of at the moment. Before I could even finish or even begin an explanation I had to step back and listen

" what the hell have you and Louis done to this place? You're gonna get evicted if anybody sees this! I raised you better than this! I knew I shouldn't have let you go to Uni so far away from me, how did I not predict how irresponsible you would be!"

I was left in shock, it was like I was never living on earth for the past three weeks and suddenly I was thrown back into the reality of a turning world where people other than me exist. I could see what I've really done, absolutely nothing. But one thing troubled me more, how did my own mother look me in my eyes and not notice the broken soul inside?

I hadn't realized my mom even came into the place until I heard the crunching of cans and empty foil bags being thrown into a garbage bag. I couldn't do anything but stand still, frozen into the floorboards. How did she even get in here when she doesn't have a security badge?

" my god, it looks like a homeless person has been living here. Get over here and help me or I'm just gonna go back to Holmes Chapel and you'll be with me!" I hated that thought. I love my home, Holmes Chapel was gorgeous and safe and almost everyone I know lives there, it was truly my home and maybe it still is but the thought of leaving London is unbearable. I'm such a short amount of time I've fallen in love.

I've fallen in love with the city, the food, nature, the people. I can't leave, and certainly not alone, not without my love and my love was currently out somewhere being tossed around by a wreckless human being, but I loved him. That's why I've done what I've done for the past three weeks. That's the whole reason why I haven't been myself, my other half is gone, he's not with me, he's not watching movies in my room or praising my cooking or photographs. He left me and I literally can't function, I can't see the world properly when I'm not with him, the only reason London's home is because that's where Louis is. If Louis flew to Australia then Australia would be home, if he flew to America then America would be home. Louis is my home, no matter the pain, no matter the damage, those bright ocean eyes are my home.

I'm trapped. I begin to feel the space around me spin and all I can hear his my heart beating at an inhuman rate and I feel like I'm going to pass out. And that's when I feel her hand reaching out for my arms.

"Harry. Is, is this the reason for all of this" my mom's voice was suddenly softer, the anger that spilled out of it moments earlier undetectable. She lifted a small piece of paper. I knew what it was before she even unfolded it. It was the note Louis' left me the day he left me.

I lowered my gaze to meet my mother's concerned eyes, within that moment the tsunami that's been building up in my eyes let loose and I collapsed into her arms pulling both of us down to the ground. I lay there on the ground crying in my mother's arms as she gently stroked my back waiting for me to calm down.

Eventually, the tears stopped and all that remained was small, desperate whimpers I let out, almost as if I was begging for Louis to just come back and that maybe he would hear me. I sat up and leaned back against the wall, I completely gave up in trying to move now. My mother scooted closer to me and took my hand

"I always knew"
The words shocked me. Slowly I turned my head and asked
"What?"
" I always knew you loved him.—- Louis"
Even sitting on the kitchen floor, crying my eyes out to my mother I couldn't help the flutter in my heart when I heard his name.
"How"
How did she know I loved him when it took me six years and a trail of heartbreak to realize how I truly loved him?

" oh darling, a mother just knows. The way you look at him like he is the sun, your eyes so wide and full of hope whenever you laid eyes on him, the way the two of you would sit under the stars for hours but you loved looking at him more than the stars. How you talked about him every single day and didn't even realize it. The way you compared everything to Louis, whether he could do it better or if he liked or disliked something, you always thought of him first.  The way you always were more confident when you were with him. And even when you said you hated him there was always a slight curl to your lips."

I couldn't even digest what she was saying.

"Sweetheart, you've loved that boy the second you laid your little green eyes on his"

Everything makes more sense in a way I guess, why I was so dependent on him, how I never dated after I knew him, I guess I always was waiting for him. I still couldn't find the words to speak yet, so I didn't say anything until I knew my voice wouldn't break.

"Why doesn't he love me back?"
She looked frightened by the words that just escaped my lips, I could tell she was hurting too by seeing me like this. It scared me how long it took to revive an answer, there's no other explanation than she's prolonging the inevitable, saying Louis doesn't love me. But of course, I already know that. That is why I'm here.

" let's get you to bed baby, you need some sleep after everything." I was crushed by the diversion she had made but thankful to not being consoled alone in diligence anymore. She stood up but kept your hands extended down as an offering to help me. With the extra support and peeled myself off the floor and to my feet, my entire body felt the heartbreak. I followed my mother into my room since she led the way and- oh, I haven't been in here in ages. I have no idea that a place I used to spend every night in could feel so, foreign.

Quickly my mom grabbed two things, I don't know what they are, then continued straight for my bed. I was too tired to ask what she grabbed.

"Come on Harry, some sleep will do you good, you really need some" continues to lift up the covers I had no choice to climb inside. As soon as I lay down I could feel my body relax and ease from the tension that was caused by the floor, not to mention how I've been sleeping on the couch. I almost immediately closed my eyes as I was already entering a dream-like state.

"He does love you. He might love you more than you do him. This is why" the words floated around in my head before I could process them. Do I want to open my eyes? I could feel the weight of whatever my mother laid on top of me. It smells kinda familiar? What is that? Apple? Cinnamon? Suddenly nope, I know exactly what it is, it's the strawberry detergent I used to wash Louis' clothes with.

After a small, well large debate in my head I decided there was no way I couldn't not look at whatever was in my hands. I count to three. one... Two.... her we go three!

Laying in my hands were my two favorite articles of Louis' clothing, an emerald green Adidas sweatshirt and a 2011 Leeds festival t-shirt. All I could do was whisper " then why did you leave" before I clutched the articles to my chest and closed my eyes for the night, being consumed by the darkness of the other side.