I Want You Here When I Wake Up

23

Louis POV

Toiletries, check. Underwear, check, blanket, check. I'm packing the last of my things that I brought with me back into my duffle bag. It is nearly 1:00 am and my train back to London leaves sharply at 6:00 am, which means I have to leave here at 4:00 am to drive to the train station and get through security in time to catch my train. I've been back home, although it doesn't really feel like home, in Doncaster for almost two weeks now. I wasn't expecting this impromptu trip but my sisters Daisy and Phoebe had enlisted my help with throwing our grandpa a surprise birthday bash which I just couldn't say no to.

I was only planning to be gone for at most three days, however, each day slowly seemed to pass and I was never on the train back to London. It started off by just helping my mother with the twins, driving them to lessons and such since they don't have their licenses yet. But soon I just seemed to turn into everybody's personal assistant with no way out. I love my family to pieces and I would do anything for them but sometimes it feels like they forget I'm not superman and that I have my own problems and that I'm not Mr. Perfect. Sometimes I need to be babied and looked after too.

Typically I'm one who would take any type of praise because let's face it, I am a pretty stellar guy. But I can't help but feel I'm living a lie and they are just enhancing it. Every time they tell me how amazing I am or that I'm the best big brother in the world I can't help but think how fast they would change their mind once they found out what I did to Harry. They should hate me, but they don't. I just hate myself.

I was going to call Harry. The night I left I almost sent him a text telling him to check back underneath the tree but I didn't. For all, I know he is planning my murder. For all I know I've lost him for good. It wasn't until I stepped off the train and into the crisp chilly air that I reached for the closest jacket I had, my Adidas sweatshirt that matched the eyes of an angel. I had forgotten I had it until then. I had no other choice but to put it on unless I wanted to turn into Jack Frost and freeze to death, so I did. Immdenetally my senses tingled as the scent of Harry fluttered into my nose bringing back all the reasons why I originally left the sweatshirt behind, the good, heartfelt, loving memories.

I could tell Harry had been attached to this thing before he left it, nothing could smell that strong of his unless he washed it in his cologne and natural musk. God that sounded heavenly. For an instant my mind goes back to the night I left, the way Harry looked while sleeping next to me, how his face slowly relaxed as he sank deeper into his slumber, I knew that at that moment he wasn't hurting. The world had stilled. Oh, how I wish I could still see his beautiful face. I wish I could hear his voice. I wish I could see what he's doing if he's been to a doctor yet. I really hope he has, he can't go on living half a life like that.

" There you are!"

"OMG, I've missed you, big bro"

"OH, my baby he's back!"

Suddenly plucked right back into reality my mother and youngest sisters were wrapped tightly around me hugging me to death, literally. I dropped my bag and gave them each a proper hug.

"It's nice to be back here, it's so great to see everyone again, I've missed you all so much!"

I quickly picked up my bag again as we started heading to the car, the twins wasted no time filling me in on what they've been up to; school, clubs, and don't forget the friend and boy drama. We must have been nearly home when in the middle of talking about some dude named Jesse, Phoebe just stopped talking and stared at me.

"and who does Jesse like again, Oliva or Diana?" I thought it was a trick to make sure I was still listening because I had been looking towards the car window instead of her, but no response came.