His Broken Angel (BoyXBoy)

XIX

The night had flown past and Cole had retreated to his home. I had gotten no sleep that night. Why? Because Cole's question still remained in my mind.

"So what do you say? Gonna give me a chance?"

It was way too early for me to decide that. Everything was spinning way too fast. I told him I would consider. And that night I did. Hence, my lack of sleep. I opened my draw. Dang it! I was out of cigarettes. Might as well go get some and some groceries as well. I sighed and dragged on my jacket and sneakers. I swung my door open ready to leave but someone stopped me. My jaws dropped. He smiled a little.

"Samuel?" I asked fearing that my eyes were betraying me. He chuckled.

"Good to know you haven't forgotten my name." He said.

"How could I? You just up and vanished. I only ever saw you on magazine." I retorted rolling my eyes. It was the truth. And I wasn't gonna hide it. Samuel chuckled lightly and scratched the back of his head.

"Well I've been busy. And you didn't give me your number so I really had no way of contacting you. Think I could make it up to you, say tonight?" He asked.

I placed my fingers at the bridge of my nose and pinched it. I sighed.

"I have work. And it's okay. You're forgiven." I said. I took out a paper from the book on my table and wrote my number on it. I handed it to him, "now you don't have an excuse."

He chuckled and nodded.

"I suppose you're right. Catch you around?" He asked. I nodded.

"Wait!" I said. Samuel turned around quickly.

"I don't want you to feel like I'm leading you on or that I'm using you. If that's why you're talking to me, then forget it. Cause I'm not really interested in you in that way." I said looking down.

I know that my actions may come off as flirty and I do it without knowing, so I didn't want to lead him on. Especially when I know there is no way I could be interested when someone else had all my interests. That wasn't fair. Samuel chuckled causing my eyes to avert to him. He smiled.

"I figured. You have that decisive look on your face. For what it's worth, I think you should give the guy a chance. The loss will always be less than the gain. So give it a go." He said and walked down the stairs leaving me speechless.

Was I do much of an open book? I smiled and nodded as we both went our separate ways. Truth was, Samuel was rarely on my mind. My thoughts were mostly filled of Cole. But I was happy. I stopped walking. Was I really happy? I wanted more. I wanted to say he was mine. I wanted to hold him. I wanted to be his. I wanted a family. Maybe even a barbeque. I scoffed. Persons with my history don't deserve that happiness. So no, I wasn't happy. It's more like, I was satisfied. I was getting more than I deserved so I was satisfied with it. And even if I wanted more, I would not fare ask.

I walked into the supermarket. You must think I'm selfish or being unreasonable. I did have a boyfriend before right? But that wasn't the case with Jason. I was never planning that far ahead in my life with him. Somehow I knew that we weren't gonna last. With Jason, I knew he could take care of himself if anything. He is a wrestler and street fighter. He's had a rough past. Moving from foster home to foster home. That was his life. So somehow, we both collided. We knew we didn't deserve to be happy, so we didn't try and find it. But Dexter made him happy. Throughout all that darkness, he found the light.

But Jason's past was pretty straightforward. Mine wasn't. Cole had a family, both mom and dad. He had a sister and two brothers, even though one brother passed away. He had light. I was darkness. He couldn't, no...he shouldn't help me. My chest tightened almost painfully. I could reach and touch the light but I was scared it would float to the sky if I took it to the pits of hell. I cashed out my groceries and walked back home. I unpacked and showered. I sighed. Everyone was saying give him a chance, but somehow I knew, that this one chance was going to be the end of me. So the last shard of my heart dangles by a string. I grabbed my cigar and lighter, lighting it ablaze.