The Death Of Me ✔️

atelophobia

Atelophobia
(n.) The fear of imperfection. 

...

Chapter 73

__________

                    The door opened and Adrian walked in with a plate of toasts and eggs in his hand. I looked away from him and up at the ceiling. I wasn't mad at him, or anyone. I just wanted to be left alone and deal with myself because I'm mad at myself.

"Get up babe, you need to eat." Adrian stood by the side as I slowly rose and put my head against the headboard. Adrian sat down next to me and started cutting my bread and eggs before he held the fork in front of me. I ate silently and Adrian didn't try to make any conversation. After I was done eating he left with the plates and came back soon.

I just wanted everything to pause, to fucking stop. But that seemed impossible. He sat down next to me again, pulling me close so my head was resting on his chest. I breathed evenly and felt him trace my arm, lost in thought.

"Tara." He called my name. No. Not fucking now.

"It's been two days." He said again. My eyes squeezed shut. For fucks sake can he stop talking and just sit there like he's mute?

"Two days and you haven't said a single word to me. I don't want to pressure you baby, I just want to know if you're okay. I love you so much. I just want to know what can I do for you? What do you want? Do you pizza? Or maybe tonight I could sneak you out of the house and take you to the beach? Your room is fucking boring, no offense." He gave my shoulder a small squeeze.

My mood seemed to light up at his idea. Beach would be so nice. Away from all this bullshit. The fucking house where I never really felt safe. Every time I look at my window I shiver at the thought of anyone breaking in, any second.

"Yes." I whispered to him. He chuckled and kissed my hair. "Yes for pizza or beach? Or both?" He asked again.

"Both." I whispered again before wrapping my arms around him tightly. I have no idea what is going on outside my room. No one came in except him and Justin. I was hurt that Xander and Atlas didn't try to talk to me but I know the minute I see them, I'll end up saying something I don't mean. I'll take my anger out on them.

I'm not even surprised mom didn't come. It's time I lost hope on her. Justin didn't cry in front of me again. He told me school is bland without me, but I can't go as I can't walk because of my bruised feet. Two days I spent in my bed, sometimes crying or sometimes staring up at the ceiling and my mind wandering off to so many places. Whenever Adrian was with me, I felt relieved.

What happened to Nate? I never asked either of them.

I felt like I'm four again. I'm scared and tired of my life again. My own house feels dangerous. Just like my babysitter, any viper could come at me anytime. And I'd be here, helpless and vulnerable. For years I've tried to grow strong, to go against people who enjoy torturing the innocents.

But here I am, lying on my bed with a constant reminder of what a failure I am.

"You're doing that again." Adrian's voice pulled me out of my thoughts. I looked up at him but my eyes were glossy, ah shit, about to cry again. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I sat up to face him.

"Do you- you know what happened here?" I asked him. Adrian straitened his posture. "No, we came after Justin called. We assumed everything but no one is sure. Are you ready to talk about it Tara?" His eyes softened. Gosh, I love his hazel eyes so much.