Anxious [H.S]

Chapter 41: Two Chocolate Chip Pancakes

"Can I get two chocolate chip pancakes? Yes, only two. Can I also get some coffee? Black. Yeah, she doesn't like anything else in her coffee. Yep, that's it. Thank you so much," I hear as I roll over to face Harry sitting on the edge of the bed hanging up the phone. He turns back around and notices me awake. He lays down and rolls on his side so he's facing me. "Good morning, baby."

"Good morning," I say as he pulls me closer, burying his face into my neck.

"I ordered you breakfast," he mumbles.

"Thank you, did you order anything for yourself?" I ask, running my hand through his hair. He shakes his head. "Why not?"

"I'm not hungry," he says. I can tell somethings wrong with him. I pull him from my neck so I can see his face. I place one of my hands on his cheek and rub my thumb against it.

"What's wrong?" I ask, flicking my eyes between his.

"I don't know. I think just what happened yesterday with your dad. And maybe a little of what I told you," he mumbles as his eyes search my face like he hasn't seen it before.

"We are going to figure out how to fix this, together. You don't have to go through it alone. You don't let me go through it alone so I won't let you either," I say.

"I don't know what to do Leah, I've been like this for awhile. I've just been pushing it back and you would distract me from worrying and stressing. But it's like now it's seeping in and nothing seems to help stop it anymore, I can't stop it anymore," he admits, getting worked up.

"Hey, we are going to work through this together. You're not alone in this Harry," I state and he nods.

"How are you feeling today, after what happened yesterday?" he questions.

"Uhm it's kinda crazy actually. It's like I was put into a time machine and I was a teenager again. It was scary, to be honest. He's the reason I don't like confrontation or yelling," I explain.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that Leah, you didn't deserve that," he says.

"Yeah but what am I gonna do about it? That's why I'm not as open as I would like to be. It's hard to talk about things like that for me. You're the easiest person to talk to and I can barely talk to you about anything. I feel horrible about it but it hurts to talk about it. It's like I've trained myself not to talk about certain things and how to get out of different scenarios. I'm sorry I'm like this," I say.

"We can work on you being more open about things. We have all the time in the world right?" he asks and I nod. Just as he goes to kiss me we hear a knock on the door. "What a way to ruin a moment."

I laugh as he gets up to answer the door. He comes back with my food and he sets it on the small table near the window.

"I'm going to go get ready, you eat your breakfast," he says, kissing me on the forehead.

"Make sure you dress warm," I say as he walks to the bathroom.

"Yes ma'am," he says, entering the bathroom and closing the door.

I eat my breakfast and stare out the window that looks out on the city of Boston, my home. I really did miss it here. I loved growing up here. When I went off to college I decided it would be best for me if I never came back. And, mentally, that worked for a while. I didn't have to be in that house, I didn't have to listen to my father, I didn't have to be alone. Well I know I lived alone in New York before Harry but I had Kenna and Olive. Before, I would wake up in the morning, my dad would still be asleep, go to school, come back and be all alone in my house until my father got home in the middle of the night. I mean I was better off when I didn't see him anyway, I would even go as far as trying to avoid him because when he did see me he would just get angry and start yelling at me. I was never allowed to leave the house and people weren't allowed to come over. I had to sneak out to go hang out with Kenna. One time she helped me sneak out after I had gotten into a big fight with my dad, so big he was breaking everything in sight. We went to the aquarium. That was one of those crazy days that kind of felt like a dream.