A secret treasure of the past

41.Miny

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Raghav began reading despite his mind not permitting him to read someone else's personal dairy.

Dear Miny,

There are days when you feel lost and there are days when you feel empty. Today is one of those days when you feel both. I have been away from my home for last five days living with a stranger who claims to be my dad's friend. Have my parents abandoned me? Sadly, yes, they have. I do not blame them. All I have contemplated is how could I go so wrong. I hate myself for being irresponsible and having to face the brunt of an unexpected teen pregnancy. I have hated myself enough and drowned myself in an ocean of guilt. Frankly, it is suffocating, a lot more suffocating than real drowning. It might sound like something very expected when I speak to people about all things that I regret but only the one handling it can understand the extent of it. I feel numb and useless. I am ashamed to even stand before god with my dirty soul. But there is one thing I want heartfully, I do not know if I have a right to make a wish about this. Please GOD! Help them find peace of mind.

Hey Miny,

It has been nearly three days I spoke to you. I have my exams approaching. The other day I happened to go to my school. I had to travel back to Bangalore for getting my hall ticket for board examination. Do you remember Shreshta? One of the girls who was always jealous of me? The one who used to stare at Raghav? She was very rude. I was bullied for the first time in my life Miny. The worst part is I did not have a proper comeback. I was wrong. Maybe I deserved this kind of humiliation. Things will never be the same again. I cannot imagine what my parents have gone through during my sister's wedding. It's not even their mistake. What should I do to correct everything? Can things be normal ever again? Was I not one of those responsible and well-behaved girls? Please say that I am not a bad person Miny. I wish you could talk.

Miny,

Papa called me today and spoke to me. He refuses to acknowledge me with a name. He is speaking to me as if he never wants to look at my face and yet has no other choice but to accept me. I hate it when anybody treats me as responsibility. He is my papa who was so proud of his little brave daughter. I feel utterly ashamed. He asked me to get rid of "it". Do you know who this "it" is? It the baby in me Miny. Well! I don't feel any difference. They say there is a baby inside me, but I cannot feel anything. So, I told him I do not know how to do that and questioned him if he will accept me if I do everything he wishes. He said things will never be the same, but he is ready to accept me and look past my mistakes. I will do anything to make my family happy. I just want to go back home and not be in this strange place Miny. I am not well. I have been vomiting very badly. I want to eat anything amma makes even if it is her useless dirty bitter gourd curry. I want to be with amma and Prakash anna.

Dear Miny,

I met a new person today Mini. She is my guardian's friend. I was taken to her as I was not keeping well past few days. I have become homesick. Guess what I did not get the baby aborted. I went to the doctor the other day. She explained me the procedure and it seemed very painful. I thought I will get it done after my exams. She told me I am anemic and must become healthier. I miss Bangalore. My friends are preparing seriously. I cannot keep myself awake after 9 PM. This feels terrible. I completed Math syllabus but social, Urgh! I don't feel motivated enough to start. Feetu was supposed to help me with the geography. I miss Raghav Mini. I thought Hyderabad was beautiful place. I have seen it through his eyes. Amma says he is responsible for all this. He is my friend Mini. I cannot take a word against him. I wish he was here. I am sure he would find a solution to all the problems.

Miny,

It's been so long I spoke to you. Do not hold it against me. There are certain things you need to know. I completed my exams and trust me I was good. After I spoke to you the last time I was really contemplating at night and realised I do not have a direction in life. So, I chose to have a timetable and take care of myself. My father was not going to accept me till I got rid of my child. You might be wondering how I am calling it as my child. Well! That's a long story for another time. So, getting back to my rant, I could not go back without the termination of my pregnancy. I decided to complete my exams just the way I planned them before. Eventually, after about ten days I was getting very nervous and tired. I decided to go to Sharanya aunty. Sharanya aunty is the friend of my guardian. She took me to her NGO. I met a lot of girls and women. Do you know that a girl younger than me was raped and is pregnant? She is doing much better than me. She is so confident about her future. I asked her from where does she gather such courage? She told me that she believes in destiny. She is determined to fight till the culprit is punished and is studying as well. I felt guilty and ashamed all over again. But one thing I realized after meeting her was not everybody has a same journey of life. People around are going through greater pain. I have learnt to own my mistakes. I have learnt to accept myself to go on in life. If a thing is broken, we fix it. So is our life. I have thought of ending my life but a voice in me said anything is better than death by suicide. I can always redeem myself.

Dear Miny,

I feel like woman Miny. It's been three months of my stay in Hyderabad. I have seen a rose plant grow from its tiny leaves to a taller shrub. I guess my baby is also growing. Wherever I go to a mall or anywhere I get disgusting glances from people. I don't break down anymore. I feel a lot positive because I chose to give myself a second chance. I knew it's going to be difficult. I have read a lot about this and realized that proper sex education is very important in India. I want to grow up to become a lawyer and an influencer. I do not want anybody to suffer like me due to lack of complete knowledge. So, things are better than before. I have become fat. I feel much positive. I read that pregnancy makes you a happier version of yourself. I can feel my baby kicking. Trust me that feeling is beyond best. It feels like you will come face to face with a mini version of yourself and I am just too excited. The anticipation of it cannot be described. I cannot wait for the day. The drive to feel better and do something every morning is because of this baby. My parent's have not contacted me in last four months and I am living with the hope that they will accept my decision someday. The best part is I made a lot of paintings and wrote a dozen of stories for my baby. Every night before I sleep, I have a lot of thoughts. The worst of fears prop up before me I handle them all. But I cannot handle is my feelings these days. I haven't told you yet, but I have fallen in love with Raghav Miny! I miss him so much. I am learning what it is and takes to love a person. Why have I become so old suddenly? Why should everything be so complicated in my life?

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A/N:

A big shout out to all the new readers thanks for all the likes. I miss few of my old readers and their precious comments. It took me  40 chapters to reach this point. I know I have been extremely slow with updates. I myself feel conflicted about teenage pregnancy and post consequences. This has been a debatable topic. So, I decided to challenge myself with writing about it. The lines of right and wrong are blurred in some cases. So guys I would like to once again thank you all for reading and supporting this story. I am really not sure about this chapter. Do leave your comments. Criticism is most welcome. 

Please share your thoughts. 

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