Sunflower Vol.6 [H.S]

forty two

"I don't wanna be your friend, Harry."
Marina Young's POV

         I think knowing what I wanted was always difficult for me. Ever since I was accompanied with juvenile thoughts from being a little girl, I struggled with making decisions. Now that I'm older I blame it on being a Libra but I don't believe it's a very reliable answer for others. Although it was for me. Either way, I was slightly hopeless to knowing what I wanted. In more complex terms, I knew what I wanted. I had them laid out in my head with A, B, and C labeled on each choice. And it wasn't noticing those things that was difficult. It was picking what was the right one for me in that moment. 

Getting on a plane to Cancun was the cherry on top to my problem. Or maybe it was the Cherry from the album since I was only doing this for Harry. But in this case my options were placed on each corner of my brain. Option A was to go to Korea, hold out for the rest of the year in Malibu with Harry. Live my old, numbing routined life as it is now. Then move on, start a new one, become me. Find out who if I knew who I was. Option B was to stay in Malibu, speak to the press about the big question that has to do with my ex-manager. Take it as a opportunity to focus on music all over again and just leave Malibu to go on tour. That also left Harry out of the picture. 

While Option C, the one that once remained the quietest, now the loudest. It told me stay in Malibu, walk over to Harry's home. To knock on his door and once he opened it, to pull him and kiss him the way I use to. The way I wanted to. To realize that staying with him could also make me realize who I am. "Sunny." Harry's voice stops me from analyzing the choices again. 

I perk up when I turn my head from the van's window to look at Harry. "You alright?" He asks in a soft voice. Almost like every gentle word had to be whispered to me in hopes of not hurting me. 

I nod. "Yeah." I assure him with a faint smile. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Harry shrugs a little with a tired grin on his lips. He glances in front of him instead of staring back. "I think I forget how quiet you get now." He confesses. "I always think something is wrong."

I shake my head when I place a friendly hand over his. "I'm okay." I say. "Just a little jet lagged and I didn't sleep that well on the plane." I admit when Harry gazes back at me with a nod. 

"Well there's a comfy bed with your name on it in the house." He tells me. I smile in response, liking the sound of that. Harry and I had been in this spiral of complicity when it comes to the terms of this relationships. There were some days were I wanted to forget the promise I made to stay friends. Mostly because I knew what it was like to kiss him, to love him. While some were easier than others. Made me realize that we were friends before we were together and it was second nature to just enjoy his company. Harry had a tendency to simply make your day brighter without even knowing. He helps with that even though on some days, it's not necessarily the answer all the time. But right now it was, his company made me feel comforted in this country.