𝐑𝐀𝐑𝐄; Luke Patterson

twelve

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"What do you mean Lorelei is Reggie's niece?" Luke questioned again after all 4 of us that were present before stayed silent.

"Exactly what that means." Alex sassed back. I looked up at Reggie and saw how submerged in his thoughts he was. I can only imagine how much he misses his family. How much he wishes he was here.

"How did he die?" Reggie voiced interrupting the little argument that Luke and Alex were on.

"He had lung cancer right after highschool and he won the battle but a year before he died.. it showed up again and then he got a pretty bad pneumonia and he battled for days in a hospital bed." I explain and a little hiccup from crying came out. Suddenly I was aware of the tears that slid down my face. I wiped them to my sweatshirt and breathed in slowly to catch my breath. "He died after 5 days in the hospital." I finish.

His arms engulfed me in a heartfelt hug, I separated our bodies slightly to see his face and the first tear fell followed by the thousands of others that he had built up. I reconnected the hug and caressed his back with my hand, trying to comfort him.

"I should have been here!" He sobbed and my heart broke a little bit more. "What.. what if I could have prevented it or.. or" he started to mutter. The other boys present in the room came closer to us and created a group hug with us in the middle. Reggie let's out a muffled chuckle and starts drying his tears. "What about my parents?" He questions and the boys give us some space. "I haven't been able to locate them."

"I don't know." I admit and we walk to the couch in the living room to talk. "My dad and them never really had a good relationship. I think the only time I ever saw them was at his funeral. I don't even remember what the look like." I explain.

"But my dad loved my brother so much!" He mumbles shocked. "My brother was everything he ever wanted in a son. He was going places with his soccer career and that was all that my dad ever wished for his children." He elaborates and sighs pushing his hair back in frustration. "It doesn't make any sense." He whispers.

"Maybe they had a falling out or.. or I don't know." I tried to find a plausible explanation. My dad never talked about his family. Hell I didn't even know he had a brother.

"Did he ever talk about me?" Reggie questioned and my heart clenched. How am I supposed to tell him that I didn't know he existed? He looked at me and his face dropped. Of course he felt the unsettling feeling in my chest. "But we were so close." He mumbled and poofed out of the room.

I fell back down onto the couch and buried my face in my hands to try and absorb everything that just happened in this living room. Why does my life feel like a movie these days?!

"Go see if he's ok." I instructed to the three boys that stood dumbfounded in the middle of the room.

"I-" Luke tried to refute but Alex grabbed him and whispered something in his ear. Probably told him I needed some space which I do.

They poofed out and I brought my knees to my chest and allowed myself to be sad. For the first time in years, I needed to let out the pain. I was feeling so overwhelmed with emotions and thoughts that I didn't even notice the time passing until I felt a light tap on my shoulder.

"Is everything ok, honey?" My mom asked and I saw a flash of concern, something I don't think I've seen ever since I was eleven or twelve.

"No." I answered and gulped hard to push down the knot that formed in my throat. "I miss him and .. and I miss you." I muttered in a tone close to a whisper.

"But I'm right here." She answered cluelessly.

"Are you kidding me?" I groan in frustration. "When was the last time you slept here? When was the last time we spent time together? When was the last time we had a real conversation?" I question and my voice breaks a little in the end. "It has been months, ma!" I sigh and pinch my nose to release some of the stress. "And even then what did we talk about? You. You and your stupid failed relationships." I added with a slight chuckle at the end.

A loud silence settled in the room. The air was heavy and the tension palpable. Is she just not gonna say anything?!

" I'm tired of pretending that everything is ok. Because it's not. I needed you and you were never there. Do you even know what I'm thinking of majoring in? Or what school I wanna go to? Or what position I play in volleyball?" I throw at her again after seconds of her just staring at the floor. "You don't even know who I am and I don't know who you are." I finished and a loud sob escaped my lips.

I breathed slowly a few times to try and gain back control over my heartbeat. I looked at her when I was calmer and waited for an answer. I didn't care what she told me, I just needed something.

"I didn't know you felt that way." She simply whispered. I scoff loudly gaining her attention. It felt like it was the first time in years that she was truly seeing me. "I love you. I hope you know that."

"That's all you have to say?!" I ask back shocked. "What about I'm sorry or that you'll change or I don't know.. something." I almost yell out of frustration.

"I am sorry and I will try to change." She talked back. "Life has been hard since.. him." She tried to excuse her behavior.

"So I haven't been hurting? It's been ten years. In ten years I healed the loss of a father, I built myself up, I overcame the disappointing truth that my mom does not care about me." I exasperated. "I went through all that. Alone. And I found people who love me and care for me and are there for me. I did all that without you." I spit the words in her face.

I run to my bedroom and lock the door. Allowing myself to wallow in my own pity. Allowing myself to be sad and to feel the hurt. Because I needed that if I wanted to fill the whole in my heart one day.

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AN used to have a face reveal here but I deleted it :/