KIBA ; STRAY KIDS

1 ; KIBA

I was tired.

As simple as it was. There was no more to it. I had been contacted by JYP for 2 weeks now and they simply would not leave me alone. Email after email; message after message.

I was impressed at how persistent they were. I had ignored every single one, I just wasn't interested in joining a group. I have been a solo idol for almost 7 months now, why would I change that?

Well, maybe because I went off the rails last month. Some things have been happening for the  last couple months, and shit went down basically. My average music listens went skyrocketing down, and anything I did  got less attention. My confidence just dropped. My confidence in music was almost demolished.

My manager quit on me, and I was left helpless and alone. I'm aware I'm quite the nuisance as an idol, but to quit on me like that felt shitty. Everything in the past month had been up to me, and it didn't end well.

Still, JYP were consistent on recruiting me. My talents were pretty good in a nice way to put it. My main ability was rap, but singing came to me easy enough and I had created a few of my own choreographies to my songs, nothing to dramatic. I also wrote all of my own songs, and I was quite adamant on people knowing that.

I decided since all was going downhill for me, the best thing to do to stay an idol was to maybe, at least check out the JYP emails.

'KIBA

As a solo artist, JYP have decided to ask you if you would like to skip auditions and training to be recruited into a group looking for a ninth member.

The group, Stray Kids, have been looking for a ninth member for a few months. This would be a perfect opportunity to meet us at the JYP building at this address at 11am, Monday 22nd May.

We are aware we have sent a few of these emails before and you haven't got back to us. Unfortunately we can not afford to wait around for your response anymore, and as a result this will be the last email we send you.

Sorry for any inconvenience.

JYP.

I scoffed at the formal email, but I could feel relief that I had at least checked the last email I would of been sent. Monday was tomorrow, I realised, so I closed the email after replying and stood up to take a shower.

I lived in a small apartment, in the middle of Seoul, and I lived alone. I had no friends about, and no pets. I moved to South Korea from England when I was 16, just turned 19 less than a few months ago.

My situation is complicated. I was born here in Seoul, and both my parents are Korean however, they struggled with personal problems and moved to England when I was just 4. I moved back to Seoul by myself due to even bigger complications when I turned 16. 

It was then when I was in auditions and training, and I debuted as a solo artist at 19. 7 months I have been an idol and now I was going to be apart of a group. Well, I hoped they would take me in.

The shower soothed my thoughts and my mind. I would put on a show tomorrow, show people I'm not to be looked down on. I'm not someone they can judge, no one knows me. Would I even have to perform for them? JYP seemed adamant on having me apart of the group.

Yet, I was tired still.

I started to question what I wanted. The answer was always the same.

I don't know.

This idol life is hard sometimes.

All I knew is that my impression on JYP and the Stray kids would determine my future. All aspects of it, living, money and my passion for music and song writing.

After my shower, I took the time to take care of myself thoroughly. Skin care, hair drying, exercising just a little and warming up my voice.

I don't exactly know what JYP wants me to do tomorrow, but I have a feeling I'll need to use my voice. They will want to see what I'm capable of if I'm to join the group. What if they didn't though?

I looked through my phone as I hummed different octaves to warm my vocal cords up. A few posts from other idols, and one from SUGA.

I look up to him. I find it stupid how I do, but I just genuinely looked forward to his solo songs and I had respect for Agust D - one of the best KPOP rappers in the industry.

I checked out Stray Kids Instagram. I huffed. Of course they're all pretty. How am I to deal?

I finished warming up my voice and checked the time. I had been wallowing in self doubt and emails for 3 hours, and the clock has just struck 11pm.

I climbed into bed, and got a good night sleep for the morning where I would eventually meet the new group I might be apart of.