The Four

Chapter 82

We landed in Prangie a month after we left and for some reason I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay here. I had gotten so comfortable around the three of them. I had laughed with them, hung out with them one on one and just gotten to know one another again. But now, I had to go. Not because I felt it was best for me; but because Naomi was severely depressed having to say goodbye to Oliver, that I didn't want to leave her alone. I looked at Matt as I stepped into the helicopter with longing and I had this feeling he knew what I was feeling right now.

We went back to Yordan and we lived our lives. We celebrated new year with friends around us; it being 'year 3' now, which was just surreal to me.

"Do you want to join me to Askad tomorrow? We could have fun and shop and shit?" Naomi had asked me yesterday and I had decided I would go. So I was sitting in the airplane getting ready to go to Askad, but after a while my whole body started to shake, as we got in the air; and I didn't want to do this anymore. I could't do this. I couldn't go out of this segment without the hundred percent certainty I would be safe, and Askad; it wasn't safe for me.

"I don't want to go. I don't want to go." I pleaded to Naomi crying and Naomi stared at me in a bit of panic as she went to the pilot and I was shaking like crazy.

"They can make a quick pit stop in Gotar, is that ok? Eddie is there, he'll be waiting for you. Is that ok?" I nodded looking at her as I was full on sobbing and apologising.

"It's fine. I understand, it's too quick. It's way too quick. You don't have to apologise. I'm proud of you for even trying." She said and I nodded looking at her as an hour later we landed in Gotar, at least that's what I heard later on; I had fallen asleep.

I hadn't noticed Eddie walking into the airplane and picking me up while I was asleep. I didn't realise and know that I didn't want to let go of Eddie; as I had held him in a monkey sort of way. I didn't notice that when he placed me in bed, I really didn't want to let go, meaning he was forced to lay with me here.

All I knew was, was that I slept great for the first time. When I woke up, I saw Eddie laying next to me, while I had his arm in my arms and my legs in between his. When I saw him though, I burst out into sobs and I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop crying. I just- I thought all my tears had been gone, I thought I would never be able to cry as extensive as I did right now, but I couldn't stop. I didn't stop for hours. I didn't stop when Eric and Matthew arrived here in Gotar and stayed with me in bed. I didn't stop when they placed me in the bath. I couldn't stop crying. It was all too much. I just wanted to be normal. I just wanted to be with them. I missed them and the fact that I had slept so fucking greatly with Eddie- I- it hurt me that I couldn't do that every day.

I also missed Mike, I missed Mike, I missed Amar too. I wished I could see Amar and ask him why he did everything, but I couldn't do that. I couldn't do that, because I didn't want to hurt my husbands. I didn't want to break them even more than I did. I knew I was breaking them every second I wasn't with them. I could see it in Matt's eyes. I saw pure pain in his eyes; I was sure of it.

And that's when something hit me.

I was sitting on the bed, while Eddie was seated next to me on the bed, while Matt and Eric were on the couch and they were all doing work, while I had been sobbing. It hit me; I was sure of what I was feeling, I didn't doubt it. The fear of being taken again, of being hurt, of being away from them- it broke something in me, or rather it healed something in me and I gasped as the tears stopped. Matt, Eric and Eddie all looked at me and my eyes widened as I felt my heart start to race again; as if it was trying to adjust to this.

"I don't ever want to go to another district unless it's something secluded like the ski resort and I don't want any three of you to leave me to go to another district ever again." I said, staring in Eric's eyes. "I can't lose one of you either. I can't do it. I can't lose myself either. I need us to stay in Locatlie where it's safe. It's safe here for us." I said, no pleaded. "Please don't ever make me go somewhere else, and please promise me you won't ever go somewhere else. It's not safe out there for us." I said and Matt looked at me and there was shock in his eyes. "It's not safe there." I reminded him. "Do you understand?"

"I understand." Matt said looking at me. "I understand." And a small smile appeared on his face and I smiled back at him as I looked at Eddie whom looked at me.

"Can someone explain it to me?" Eddie then said dryly and I smiled very widely.

"I was in that airplane and I was about to leave Locatlie, I was about to leave and I had this- I couldn't." I said looking at Eddie and then Eric. "I couldn't because it's not safe there, I'm safe here. I'm safe here. I realised that I was safe here. I know I'm safe here." I said.

"Of course?" Eddie said.

"You're so fucking stupid sometimes." I said with the biggest smile ever. "I trusted my thoughts, I didn't doubt it."

"You did? You doubted going to another district?"

"No you idiot." I said with an even bigger smile; as Eric suddenly had the biggest smile ever on his face. "You're so blind sometimes. I didn't doubt the fact that I'd be safe here, with you. Just with you." I said looking into his eyes and he frowned before his eyes widened. "I trust myself enough to trust you guys. That's progress right?"

"You trust us?"

"I trust you." I confirmed. "I trust me enough to trust you."

"Good. That's great right?"

"Just promise me you won't ever go to another district. It's not safe out there. They took me away from you." I said to Eddie and Eddie nodded.

"We swear"

I thought that this would be the end of all my suffering, that this was the light that I was always searching for. That I'd spend the rest of my life happily with my three husbands that were still alive.

How fucking wrong I was.