Situation

Chapter 4: Shower Of Misery and Odd Awakenings

     

Allen POV:

My lips met Kanda's as he pressed me against the wall, tugging at my hair. I start tugging his shirt off so I can trace over his tattoo and abs, then flip us pressing my body against his as I start to kiss down his jaw, earning a soft moan. Kanda quickly tugs off my shirt as I continue trailing kisses down his body, and I am suddenly thrown off the bluenette, hitting the ground with a hard thump. Looking up to meet my boyfriend's eyes, I see him staring harshly at my exposed chest and stomach. I gasp and scramble to my feet, turning my back to him to cover my marred body. I hear him pick up his shirt and walk past me towards to door, I reach out and gasp, "I'm sorry! Please don't leave, Kanda! Please!" He whirls around, fury radiating off him as he yells "You disgust me! I'm not going anywhere near filth like you!" I drop to my knees, begging him "No! I'm sorry! Forgive me, Kanda! Please!" He runs at me and suddenly-

"Allen wake up!" everything was so hazy, I just needed something to anchor myself to so I grab ahold of his shirt with as much strength as I can muster. Finally, I come to my senses and my eyes widen as I let go of him, "I'm sorry, just another nightmare." He's not letting go.. I finally shrug his arms off my biceps after a few awkward minutes of silence and turn over and face the wall. I am suddenly being picked up and moved but I just let it happen, enjoying the fleeting contact. When he places me in his bed it threw me off guard, but I quickly regained my composure, not wanting to give away anything to the samurai. After what happened, how could he not still be furious or hurt by me? I don't understand what was happening but I would let it happen for now as I knew it would not last, he would stop feeling sorry for me eventually and go back to telling me to shut up. I hear him shuffling about behind me before the bathroom door shuts. I take this as an opportunity to escape and find some food and think. Why would he wake me up after what happened? Then take the time to move me to his bed?" I admit I ate more than what was necessary to make up for missing lunch. After I get done, I start to make the trek back to the room, and when I return I see Kanda laying on his bed reading his book again. I don't even look at him as I gather some clothes and head into the bathroom.

I set my things down on the vanity and stare into my reflection for a moment before turning on the water and clogging the tub when I dubbed the temperature hot enough. I step in, and the first wave of tears wracks my body; why did I start cutting? How could I have been so stupid? I dig my nails into my chest and pull them down, repeating the motion until the numbness overcomes me. I knew in my heart I couldn't pull Kanda down with me, I wouldn't be fair. That's why I can't be with him. The second wave of tears starts to take over as I come to this conclusion, I should have never separated the barrier between us to begin with, at least then I could continue to pretend that I didn't love him. The water was turning pink from the bits of blood trickling down from my chest but I knew I wasn't ready to leave my sanctuary just yet, I couldn't face reality.

You would never have to face reality again if you just..

I shake my head, putting the thought to the back of my brain, where it has been festering for the past year now. I wearily unclog the drain and step out of the water. I start drying off and dressing the wounds on my chest quickly, knowing I would have to wash out the washcloth and towel. After the water ran clear, I dressed in one of the shirts I bought and some sweatpants and brace myself to walk back out into the room. Opening the door, I notice the lights are out and Kanda has flipped onto his stomach. "What's with the long sleeves?" he asks. "My arm," I quip, "I don't care about your arm, you know." god, why are you making this so much harder on me? "Doesn't matter." I try to hide the shame and guilt in my voice as I stand my ground and jump up on my bed. I almost instantly fall into a restless slumber.

Mugen buries deeper into the flesh of my forehead, Kanda is smirking at me as I am screaming in pain. I try to push back but realize I am corned against a wall, suddenly Mugen is sheathed and the torture stops. He gently picks up my body and carries it to a bed as I grip his shirt for dear life whispering "Kan...da...don't....leave...m-me.."