My First Love

From that to THAT

We're standing in front of the Williams' pool, just me and Drew. I have on my hoodie and shorts. He's in his swim trunks. "Soooo are you going to take off your hoodie or...?" he wants to know. "You're not scared are you? I thought you grew out of that."

"It's not that, it's just..." I trail off. Back when we were at the house, I'd gone up stairs to put on my bikini and when I looked in the mirror, I realized something. I looked nothing like I looked back then. I was a woman now. My ass and hips more curvy and I actually had boobs. I knew it was childish, but I didn't feel comfortable showing him my body. My bikini basically looked like lingerie in my eyes. And Drew, he was more experienced than I was. I mean sure I was 18 now, but I was still a virgin. Still new to this adult life. We had something three years ago, and it never really went away even though I'd moved on. Or I thought I did.

By the time I'd taken off my hoodie, Drew was already in the water. I looked down at my boobs. He wasn't paying attention so I took off my shorts next and as soon as they were both off, I quickly jumped in so he wouldn't see me. The water is freezing. I duck my head under the water and hold my breath for 10 seconds to get myself used to it. When I come up for air, he's standing in the shallow end.

"Sky," he says.

"Yeah," I say letting out a sigh. He doesn't say anything. He just starts coming towards me. My heart stops. I know he's going to kiss me. It's all in his eyes. I stand there stiffly, the air hitting me making me shiver. I want to run but a part of me wants to stay right there where he can take me. And have me forever. He touches my arm and then next thing I know, I'm underwater and water is up my nose. That son of a b-tch! Drew had dunked me. And when I stood up in the water gasping for air, I could feel my whole body turning red. My nose burned as I climbed out of the pool grabbing my flip flops, hoodie, and shorts.

"Sky, what's wrong? It was just a joke!" Drew calls to me. I don't turn around. I'm too embarrassed. I can't believe I let myself get excited about him kissing me. How could I want to do such a thing to Mason? What was wrong with me. I heard his feet slapping against sidewalk following me over the gate to the house. My eyes are full of water. Not water though. Tears. And I pray they don't spill. I don't know why I was feeling so emotional but I was. I opened the back door and grabbed the throw off of the couch wrapping it around me. I curl up on the couch and wait for him to come in. I hear him before I see him.

"What's wrong Sky? Sorry. I didn't know that'd upset you. I was just joking around. You know, like we used to." he says.

But things weren't like they were then. We kissed since then. We fell in love since then. We broke up since then. But I don't say anything. I couldn't say anything. I just shake my head.

"I'm not mad at you," I say.

"Then what's wrong?" he wants to know.

"I'm embarrassed!" I blurt out. He looks confused.

"Of what?"

I don't say anything. He sits on the couch next to me.

"Tell me." he presses. I still won't say anything. I sit up and look him in the eyes still on the verge of tears. He can see this. I wrap the throw all the way around me so no part of my body is visible besides my neck, head, and feet. He just looks at me. And then he's prying the throw from my hands revealing me in my swim suit and making the cold air hit my skin. I shiver.

"You're perfect," he says almost so low I can't hear. "Everything. Your eyes. Your nose. Your lips. Your hair. Your body. Your everything." I don't know what to say so I just stare at him.

"It's cute that you're insecure." he says his lips almost touching my ear. I can't lie and say that I'm not turned on by how seducing his voice sounds. He pries my legs apart and touches the scar on my inner thigh. "I remember this scar. When I had to patch it up that one night. I was so nervous being that close to you. I didn't understand. I didn't know how I felt about you at the time." he confessed. I still haven't said anything. He's just too close. It's driving me crazy because I just want to kiss him so bad. To be close to him. To be on top of him. To be his.

He stands up so quickly I barely even realize it. He turns the TV off and grabs the remote to the stereo. Next thing I know, the Weeknd- Loft Music is playing. He sits in the arm chair and leans back bobbing to the music acting as if I'm not even in the room. I can't help but stare at how sexy he looked. The Drew three years ago had nothing on the Drew now. I wanted him. I knew this since the day he showed up. Yet I couldn't bring myself to let go of Mason. Mason was just too perfect. He was too broken to leave. He needed me. I needed to bring the good out in him. He was sort of like a project to me. I realized maybe I never loved him. I just loved the idea OF him. A bad boy. A boy I could change. The song ended and "What You Need" started playing. The song is all too perfect for the situation. The Weeknd becomes my favorite artist almost instantly. I stare at Drew's lips as he mouths, "He's what you want, he's what you want, he's what you want......... I'm what you need." I feel like he's done this on purpose. It almost pisses me off. Or maybe I was just thinking too hard. I got up from the couch ready to walk out. But I can't. I feel like one of those women in those E R O T I C tales that Amber used to make me read with her Junior High. I'm in front of him before I know it. I climb on top of him and kiss him quickly and softly. I pull away remembering I'm only in my swimming suit.

"I was waiting for you to come to me," he says smiling. He grabs my hands and pulls me towards him. Kissing me first this time. I feel like I'm in heaven. It feels so good. His hands move to my hips and he caresses them as if I'm the most precious thing in the world. He kisses my neck and chest and I'm filled with warmth. I loved Drew. Either that or I was h*rny or maybe both. I kissed him some more as the music continued to play in the background. It felt like a movie. Like I was watching this happen instead of it actually happening to me.

He stops kissing me and looks at me. Really looks at me as if suddenly having an epiphany of some sort.

"Sky, you're still a virgin aren't you?" I nod my head.

"Well then it can't happen like this,"

"Can't happen like what?"

"Like this. Here. We can't have sex."

"But why not?" I feel myself frowning. I wanted to just lose it already.

"Because... It's your first time. I'm not going to take advantage of you like that. Even though I reeeeeally want to. Sky. It should be better than this. In a bed. With someone you want."

"But I want you,"

He laughs. "You're so cute." And then he kisses me some more.