My First Love

Face to Face

"Can you come over, we need to talk..." I say into the phone. I try to sound as normal as possible but he knows something is wrong.
"Okay I'll be there in a few." he responds before hanging up. I throw my phone into the wall before pressing my face into my pillow. I have to tell him the truth. I can't just string him along knowing that I almost had sex with Drew and that I can't get that man out of my head.

We kissed and we still have a strong attraction for each other. It's there, I feel it. And I don't feel it for Mason anymore. It's like as soon as I saw Drew's face he captured all of my energy.

But this was what I always dreamed of right? For Drew to want me. And now he does after he left me to go to college and stopped talking to me leaving me waiting around like I was a little kid AGAIN. Did I really want to get back on this rollercoaster again? Either way, I couldn't just stay with Mason because he felt safe, that's selfish.

My brain was starting to hurt just thinking about it all. I rolled off of my bed and headed for the bathroom. I needed a shower to clear my head before he got here.

As the hot water hit my body, I rehearsed what I would say to him.
I haven't been completely honest with you...
I still love him...
I like you but...

None of it sounded genuine. All of it made me the bad guy which bothered me even though I deserved it. I was the bad guy. As soon as an old flame comes to town, I'm willing to drop the relationship I always wanted just because it's not with the person I always imagined it to be with.

I heard a knock on the bathroom door and froze.
"Sky, Mason's downstairs!" Joseph yelled from the other side of the door. He paused for a moment before walking away from the door. I wished he could stand there with me, give me words of encouragement, anything! But I was on my own with this one.

I got dressed quickly putting my hair in a bun and walked downstairs. I'm crying before I even reach the bottom of the stairs. I have no idea how to tell him the truth.

"Sky what's wrong?!" he stands up alarmed rushing over to me. He's doesn't know I'm about to hurt him. He still doesn't get it.

"I'm okay Mason." I say removing his arm from shoulder. His eyebrows furrow.
"What's wrong Sky?" he questions.
"Something happened." I say walking away creating space because I fear being too close when I tell him. I know he would never hurt me but still.
He takes a seat on the stairs all ears.
"Last night, when you were calling me.... I was... with Drew." I confessed. He clinches his jaw. He opens his mouth to talk but I stop him.
"Let me finish." I say sternly.

"We went swimming at the neighbors and then when we got back, we were listening to music and then... we kissed. I didn't mean for it to happen but I didn't stop him." I said squeezing my eyes shut as I said the last part.

When I opened my eyes, Mason is still sitting in the same spot only this time he's pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Did you f-ck him?" he questions. His question catches me off guard.
"Um no... we just kissed, that's it."

He stands up and walks towards me. I'm frozen in my place.
"I f-cking knew it." he says almost to himself.
"I don't know what it means Mason. I still care about you but I honestly don't know what it means."
"It means you should stay with him. Clearly that's who you want." he says walking towards the door.
"I'm sorry." I say to him as he reaches the door.

His face goes cold as he turns around and looks at me one last time. The door slams behind him. I know it's over.

Tears are still streaming down my face but even in this moment when Mason should be my priority he isn't. I still can't help but think about Drew.