TEARS OF LOVE

LOVE FOR HIM

           "I saw him today. It's like everything around me stopped and saw his every movement in a slow motion. The way he blinks his eyes in confusion, the way he teases, the way he smirks everything has an affect on me.

           My heart skipped a beat when he saw me for the first time. Though I was talking to atta, my whole concentration was on him.

           I don't remember him from my childhood since I was only nine months but if it's possible I would never forget him with every being in my life.

          He didn't talk to me but I'll wait for him to say my name, to talk to me without any filter, to listen to those three magical words from his mouth.

         He spoke to me and I learnt a new thing about him that he doesn't like sweets whereas I really like them a lot but I can change my habits for him.

        He teased akka a lot and akka seems to not like him. I definitely need her permission for our future. I really need to talk to her but would she be okay with it? First I need to talk to him.

       We went to the temple today and there, every step he took I was following him from behind. I took a vow in the evidence of god that I will be with him in every step of his life.

       We took the blessings and went to look around the village. Priya akka didn't leave any opportunity to tease him. But I couldn't leave any opportunity to stare at him all day.

        I took another vow in evidence of nature that though his shadow leaves him in dark I would never leave him no matter how dark the path is.

       When pooja preparations started I wanted to work with him but pinni made me work in the food section. That's why I had to hurry up my work by running up and down the terrace. When I completed all the work I went in search of him and saw him and akka in a different situation. I was tensed but reasoned myself that one day it'll be us.

        I wore saree for the second time in my life. Not for the shanti pooja but for him. Because I want him to notice me as a woman who loves him but not as a mere highschool crush.

       He did see me for less than five seconds that was enough to boost my confidence. But still did he like me in saree? Why couldn't he at least compliment me? Ugh why can't you understand Jai I'm waiting for you. And I would wait for you life long.

       The first time you held my hand I would've followed you anywhere Jai even to death. It was a magical feeling which made electricity pass through me. Did you feel the same? You hit my forehead asking me where I was lost. I was thinking about dad before but after you touched me, all I could think was how I wish the time would stop at this moment. But when you left my hand I couldn't tell how sad I was, sad is the least word I could use. I just want you to hold my hand and take me everywhere you go.

        When we went shopping it was the longest time you spoke to me. I was so happy that day and when you came to my room and gifted me that saree I thought of wearing that to our first date.

       You know Keerti said if the mehendi turns red in colour you'll get a good husband. And by mistake I slipped that I already know Jai is good. She was shocked but then hugged me saying that I'm happy to get you as sister-in-law. I was so proud when you hit those guys who teased me. You are my strength and shield Jai.

         When you complimented me on the wedding day I was on cloud nine. That's how I knew you liked me. But would you love me too? That question nagged me at the back of my mind. And when I saw you staring at Priya akka and the way you shielded her during Veeraju came it became strong. And during the dinner was the last straw and I decided to tell you everything.

         How much you meant to me, how I can't live without you. My mornings start with you and my nights end with you. How I can leave my whole world for you. How scared I get at the thought of losing you, everything everything I've felt since the first second I saw you. I'll confess today...." The journal fell from Jai's hand on to the ground pages turning due to the big sandstorm. 
   
Her words resonated through the walls of her room with the sound of thunder coming from outside. Jai recalled every time he was with Divi and closed his eyes leaning his head on the wall.

A lone tear fell from his left eye as he thought of the look on her face when she saw him kissing Priya. His breathing increased as he thought of every expression of hers when he was around.

'Oh god! Why didn't I notice before?' He put the other journals in their place taking  THE JOURNAL with him to his room.