For What It's Worth

Chapter One : New Beginnings

N E W  B E G I N N I N G S

Isabelle

It's 3:42 AM.

I take a shaky, deep breath before carefully swinging my legs out of bed. Silently, my bare feet touch the old carpeted floor. I clutch at myself, a piercing ache spreading down my side as I attempt to stand. Biting down on my lower lip, I suppress a wince, managing to get up.

Looking back at the bed, Nate is deeply asleep on his front, the covers halfway down his large back, his mouth wide open. His dark blonde hair sticks up in a mess against the thin pillow. The steady rhythm of his snores fill the quietness.

I move soundlessly and slowly through the darkness of the room, fishing out the pre-packed bag I'd hidden underneath a pile of dirty laundry that sits in the corner.

With my next step, a snore catches in Nate's throat and I instantly freeze. Checking my peripheral vision, I watch him stir silently. My heart clogs up my throat at the idea that he might catch me.

Thankfully, he settles and I wait another moment before making my escape out of the room, into the hall. I catch the sight of myself, in the mirror, hanging on the wall. I quickly comb my fingers through the mess and knottiness of my long hair that reaches my bellybutton. My hazel eyes are encompassed in dark circles, made more obvious by my tired, pale skin.

I barely recognise myself anymore.

I roll my sore shoulders before slipping into a lightweight jacket, grabbing my usual rucksack and sliding it up over my arm. I stuff my feet into my sneakers and take my keys.

It's now or never. It has to be now.

Inch by inch, I pull the door until it clicks shut. After several attempts because of my trembling hands, I lock the door before twisting the key off of my set and sliding it underneath the door, back into the apartment. I swallow hard, standing frozen for a moment, rethinking everything. Overthinking everything.

The moment fades as quickly as it came and I turn on my heel, racing down the stairs of the apartment building. There are good memories here that I'm leaving behind. But so many awful ones, too many.

My heart pounds in my chest, my hair flying out behind me as I meet the cold night. I run past Nate's motorbike, over to my car, tossing my bags in the passenger side. I get in the driver's seat and start the engine before I can stop myself. I swing my car out onto the road, patting on the wheel, my hands still shaking with nerves. I don't bother looking back in the mirror.

This is it. My new beginning. I could almost laugh at the idea. My body is washed through with relief, shortly replaced with guilt and fear.

When I first met Nate, I was young - stupid, but that's because I was young. I remember when he first laid his blue eyes on me, so kind back then. I remember our first kiss, our first date, I remember it all.

He said he could save me, he told me he loved me. And I believed him. I thought there wasn't anything that could change my mind. After that, the rest was history.

For a while, he made me feel absolutely everything. And then he made me feel nothing.

**

After driving for half an hour, I decide to stop at the side of the road to have a break. My eyes are dry with tiredness, my body heavy with exhaustion, my mind is busy, relaying every possible outcome and consequence of what I've just done. I'm in no condition to continue driving.

I have no where else to go, no one else to turn to. I don't have family that I speak to. I don't have any of my own friends. The only people I know are those that are friends with Nate. I've only got myself to rely on now. But for the past year, I'd say that's all I've ever really had.