I Am Not My Skin [ UNDER EDITING ]

Chapter 11:

Two days had passed and I have been dreading this ever since the previous night, I couldn't sleep a wink.

Today was the burial of Mrs. Brown and Jamal was what I kept on thinking about. I could see that he did not wish for this day to ever come. My mother called out to me as I was busy brushing my hair in the mirror, the rest of my family were already seated in the car and the only ones missing were my mother and I. I could hear as she called but somehow I just couldn't bring myself to step another foot forward out of my bedroom, I wiped my tears when I thought of how I found Mrs. Brown laying helpless on the ground.

Even in her most painful hour Jamal was the one she wanted to make sure was all right, her pain and tears didn't matter at all to her. Jamal was always her first priority, and she made sure that he didn't lack for anything, ever since he was a young boy I offered to help where I could.

I remember how his mother came knocking on our door one day and the first thing she said was ‘Please give him the life I wasn't able to.’ and which is why I could never understand why he was being treated the way he was, he was one of the most purest souls one could meet. He was always so full of life and he loved to share stories, Maya begged me to help get him out of there.

She missed her friend most and all the times they used to walk to the supermarket together and just bond, and there were times where I thought there was more than meets the eye but they both knew that they were too young. They first wanted to finish school and then see from there where life takes them.

"You ready?" My mother asked, I quickly turned to my purse and pretend as though I have been searching for my phone this entire time. I blinked back the tears as I looked out of the window and saw how empty and quiet Mrs. Brown's house looked, everything just seemed so lifeless, there was no more Jamal playing basketball and shooting hoops in the front yard.

He was the main reason we got Sam away from his computer and do more outside activities. And it's heartbreaking to see how we as humans treat each other.

Can we all just ask ourselves every morning when we wake up and look in the mirror, is this what we truly want for our children?

For them to grow up under the influence of our hate towards the next person? To raise innocent young minds that it is okay not to show respect toward others? To let them see that colour is what makes a person. Is that the morals we want our children to live with, if so, then we have a far greater problem on our hands. Remember, there can only be change in this world if we want it.

Maya was always up for whatever and I instantly knew that she had a crush on Jamal but never told anyone.

My father would never have approved just like he did with me, we were always too young in his eyes for anything, "Yeah, just checking to make sure if I didn't leave my phone behind." I lied, my mother could sense everything going on with her children but she also knew that today out of all days I didn't want to talk. I was just too emotionally tired for everything, Mrs. Brown was like a grandmother to all of us living in the neighbourhood and to think that she is no longer with us is something I could never accept.

I closed my bedroom door and walked out of the front door. My mother offered to lock up while we all waited for her in the car, it was rather really depressing and quiet, even Sam who loved to talk so much was as quiet as a church mouse.

This would be the last time we would all be seeing Mrs. Brown and I wasn't prepared for it just yet and if I felt this way then I can only imagine how Jamal must be feeling. He must be shattered and broken and on top of that they would be taking him back to that hell hole without a care. I wondered if the shoe was on the other foot would they have wanted the same? To just be there for an hour for your loved one and then be taken away in chains.

The church was packed and it felt so heartwarming that there were so many people who came to pay their last respects towards Mrs. Brown. So many lives she has touched both in life and even after her death, she was truly a remarkable woman. A one we called mother, grandmother, sister, aunt and above all, a Queen.

Her only sin was to fight for the right of her baby's innocence, I can still hear her pleading and begging to bring back Jamal. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw the hurt, the pain and the hopelessness. It was as if she had known she would leave, and to leave Jamal alone, to fight against the freedom they stole and robbed him of, and of a chance of not having to see his grandmother or hear her voice ever again. I felt awful knowing Jamal couldn't even say goodbye as he should have, he was in his right. But, he was also on the doorstep of death. I couldn't let them see my tears, today out of all days I had to remain strong especially for Jamal.

All attention turned towards Jamal as he was being escorted up front in handcuffs by two officers, and I could hear the people whispering. Yes, they were right, this was not necessary and on the day of his dear grandmother's funeral he wasn't even spared. They kept on treating him like a criminal and the looks they gave everyone around was disgusting, something they could never understand was that in a way we were all the same.

I embraced Jamal fully and held on tight, even though I have seen him this morning at the hospital before I went back home to change. It all was still so surreal, he begged me to let them set him free and there was nothing I could do at the time but to just watch, we were still waiting for a court date. The reverend called him up to say a few words and even though it pained him to do so, he went and felt he owed at least that much to his grandmother. I can understand if he didn't want to because this was a very difficult time for him.

"To say that I won't miss you would be the biggest lie I could possibly be telling myself right now. Mama, I channel this feeling and wonder where it all went wrong and still I cannot find the answers. A great soul was taken far too soon and there would be so much I will miss about you, but if anyone were to ask me, I'd say your kindness. You went out of your way to help others without expecting anything in return, and it was the same kindness that made people feel so safe and loved, you became both my mother and father when there was no one around." He paused to take a breath.

"God couldn't have given me any better, and when he made you. He made you far too special and great for this cruel world. You deserved all your heart desired, you have alway𝘴 told me that if we all stand together than we can turn this into something positive. But then I remembered, we can only do so much in a world where the color of your skin is all that defines you, and realized that it is time that young black minds stood up for one another. Turn this around and let love take over, if black men and women can come together than they will truly understand why we do what we do. Fight for freedom and fight for a peaceful future, you have always told me grandma that black is powerful and you were right, we will always keep on rising." He so proudly added.

Words could not explain how proud I was of Jamal. He spoke up and he spoke for all of us, silence was not the answer, everyday it's a different story and yet it all sounded so familiar. The killing of the innocent never stops, it just keeps going and going and going.

It's a never-ending silence.

How much hate can one race project onto the next? We have children, parents, brothers and sisters, grandparents, nephews and nieces and we only fight for equality. Which should have been given to us by right, something we never should be begging for.

Fighting for or even pleading for, we deserve as much fairness and freedom as everyone else. And never to be shamed for who and what we are, our children should not be called names, made fun of and neither stared at for “being different” and instead, they should be given the same love. The same respect as we so-proudly speak on when giving speeches of “How to love one another” it's so scary to think that those are the same people who wouldn't hesitate for a single second to turn the other cheek.