I Am Not My Skin [ UNDER EDITING ]

Chapter 31:

The death of Sam was still so surreal, I could not believe nor did I want to, his lifeless body I could still see as I held him close. My baby had holes in his perfect little body, my worse fear has come to life. My soul died that night. And it was as though I had no will to go on or to live anymore. I was empty, as empty as can be. No water and no hope to fill my soul, my heart was completely aching. It burned on the inside every time I thought about it, Sam. He was no longer with us, and I won't ever get to see him again. My worst fears came to life the day I heard those gunshots.

Every time when I close my eyes, I see him struggling to breathe, I hear him cry. He calls to me "Drew, it hurts, it hurts" and to know that I couldn't do anything to safe his life. I couldn't do what I do to most people. I failed him and I will never forgive myself for it.

I stopped just outside his bedroom, I crumbled as I saw his things. My photo was still framed on his nightstand, and our conversation we had that night burned fresh on my mind, and suddenly it hit me, all he said and all he did just before, none of this was his fault. He was a victim and sitting here will not help me or anyone, I had to leave. I had to get out of this place, I would go insane if I kept staring at these walls another second more. I ran back out to the living room, with my hand on the door knob, I felt another hand against my arm, soft and warm, it was my mother's touch, one I could never forget.

She shook her head and spoke softly as she said. "No Drew, whatever you're thinking, no, this won't play out well. Stay, you need to stay here."

All I wanted to do was scream and scream, and scream until I had no voice left. Tears were not enough, I was numb and suffocating from the pain. Oh, how it cut so deep. It stung even, the pain became unbearable and I couldn't handle it anymore. All I wanted to do was someone waking me from my sleep and tell me that it never happened. That night was just a bad dream, a nightmare even, that was all I wanted to hear. And that Sam was safe somewhere, that he was coming back home.

With tears forming in my eyes, I looked at her and as well as I could. I faked a smile, behind it, hurt and pain as well as rage, and she knew me better than anyone. I have sat back for far too long now and I will not be doing the same yet again, Mrs. Brown, Jamal and so many others had to pay for hateful crimes. I cannot stay here and sit back, no more, no more shall we all live in fear. Where is my freedom and where is my justice?

"No mom, no more, I don't care. Whatever happens from now on, I just don't care, why must it always be the innocent to pay the price? Why can't our voices be heard? Must I always stay quiet and watch as they kill everyone each and everyday? Is the colour of my skin such a problem that I now have to pay for it with my life? Am I really that much of a bother for them to discriminate against? No mom, no more!" And for the first time I felt free, I felt so free that I could take no more, no more of always feeling trapped.

I felt free.

"Why?" I screamed aloud. My heart ache and I felt empty, so empty inside that I could take no more, in the middle of the street I stood, alone, and in the dark. I knelt head down, the streets were cold and I felt nothing, as empty and cold as my soul. My heart could bear no more, I felt a light touch against my shoulders. "Sam?" I called and when I looked up, I saw Maya.

It sounded crazy to think that it might have been Sam, but at that moment I dreamt it was. I wished it was him instead of Maya.

She stood over me and softly said. "Look, Drew." And as I slowly rose, I could see everyone's lights turn on, and people...so many people coming from their houses. I didn't know what to make of it as I saw everyone around.

"We are all here with you tonight, tomorrow, the next day and forever, Drew. Whatever you decide to do tonight, we are with you. We are all here with you." I could not believe my ears, so many people came for the same purpose as I was. We were all here for Sam, all the fear disappeared and the only thing I cared for was justice, and change. They owe us that, they owe us what they took from us. We deserved the same treatment as they do.

We deserve all they give to their own.

And it is time that we take our own freedom, even if we have to lose our lives just so we could live to see another day. We deserved as much as they did, and we did not have to fight for it. It was to be given to us. Each and every person deserves to have freedom, to live freely and how they pleased to. That was non-negotiable, we deserved as much as anyone did.

We marched down to the police station. It was no secret that miserable Connor was still on the force, even after he killed an innocent little boy they still kept him on, of course, they did so even after he killed Mrs. Brown and even after he nearly killed Jamal with his sensless beating. They still allowed him on the force, no more, our time is now.

"We all have terrorists living among us, we all have murderers living among us. We all have rapists living among us, people who take on the role as God and decides who gets to live and who gets to die. Their hands are stained with blood of the innocent, our brothers and sisters are all targets. We are afraid of the supposed ones who are to protect us and make sure nothing is ever to happen to us, poor us, right?" I said harshly, whatever I kept inside for all these years, I had to let out. I had to shout and let it all out, all the anger and all the hate. The same hate and anger they displayed towards us for all these years. Our time was now, this is it...this is a time where we have decided enough is enough and we must stand up for ourselves.

Everyone was there to protest calmly, we wanted answers, answers that were being kept from us, the police were at my house and left not a moment too soon. The same old bullshit excuses were given. "We will see to it if he is found guilty." How and what? There were so many witnesses there who saw Connor shot at an innocent little boy who tried to remove a biscuit from his pocket. He even yelled "gun" so loud and suddenly shot, where were the so-called evidence they spoke of? No, they were trying to protect their own, their own who took an innocent life in cold blood. An innocent life who didn't even hurt a fly.

"Step away or we will use force!" One officer came out and warned, what's funny was he even had his speakerphone with him. How clear was his message he wanted to send out? It's not like we were going there to tear down the police station. We just demanded answers, and why the officer was not being held accountable for his action.

Why was he set free after killing an innocent 12-year-old boy? Was it as normal that they felt they didn't have to lock him up for what he did?

"No. We will not move from here, not until we have our answers. Tonight my little brother was shot in cold blood with the intention to harm him, and you expect me to just step away? Go on, kill me because I'm black too. Go ahead, I dare you to because that is what you excuses of human beings do, you kill those who aren't like you."

"All right, you have been warned." The crowd was still as peaceful, and the next I saw were officers coming out of the station with their riot shields. The air turned foggy and what I can only assume by the burning sensation in my eyes was tear gas. I could hear all around as everyone screamed and cried, and the sound I could not channel from my memory.

Bang! Bang! Bang! I froze. There it was again, the violence.