I Am Not My Skin [ UNDER EDITING ]

Chapter 12:

Thunder and hailestorms couldn't even explain what was happening next. We heard loud banging outside the church and what appeared to have been the sound of an angry mob. We all could hear the commotion now clearly and yes, it was, everyone who were in the church was very much fearful, no one had a single clue what was going on.

"Let me go and have a look." I offered, I felt the tight grip of my mother's hand squeezing tightly on my arm. Oh my dearest mother, she was the one I feared most. And I have come across some pretty nasty people in my profession. I could understand her concern, with everything that happened with Jamal and Mrs. Brown, and even what she doesn't really want to talk about, her brother.

She feared violence due to past experiences, and never once did she want any of us to get hurt or end up in a fight. My mother was no different from any other mother, she just wanted to protect her children from all harm, and I can understand her. If ever one day I have children, and knowing the world as we live in today what it is like, I would do the same thing in a heartbeat.

"No, Drew! You will stay right here, let the officers go and find out, it is their job after all." And my mother was right, what if I open that door and someone would have flung a brick in my face, or worse──what if something goes wrong and I get seriously hurt? But I just couldn't sit there and let them ruin such a lovely service. Although, I would lie if I were saying my heart wasn't racing in my chest right now. To stand up and walk knowing that whatever may lie on the other side of those doors didn't scare me one bit. If it comes to it, I might as well just piss my pants, that's how scared I was. But then again, every time I look over at the officers they didn't seem to care in the slightest whatsoever. Oh wait, we were the thugs and condoning violence and acting like barbarians and savages around here, typical.

And suddenly the noise stopped, it turned to silence, the doors which opened brought in nothing but light and when I looked to my right I caught a glimpse of Johnny dressed in his dark suit. I wanted to hear from him how those bastards treated him just after we left, and here I thought that policemen were sticking together, and they call us thugs for our ride or die movement, it was so much different. See, that's the thing about a gang that calls themselves brotherhood, they stick with each other through the end and when the going gets tough they are still there.

I realized that they weren't an angry mob, they were people from the neighbourhood and people who knew Mrs. Brown and they were actually singing and dancing outside. Some people believed that a funeral must not be as sad as people would want for it to be and that it should be a joyous and happy occasion where you sing, and dance because you are now sending that soul to the Lord, and that is what Mrs. Brown wanted, for people to celebrate not her but themselves.

She wanted us all to dance around her casket and celebrate the gift of life, no more tears were to be shed but none of us could do what she wanted, it was all too sad to sing and dance. We all have lost a mother and a place in our hearts no one could possibly fill, there can only be but one Mrs. Brown and she was now an angel looking over all of us.

"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound" we all hummed, words that couldn't possibly escape our mouths, the feeling of having so many people around here who came to celebrate Mrs. Brown was unlike any. She truly touched so many hearts and to think that a warm and gentle smile can make a person feel so loved and wanted, kind and loving. What I will miss most about Mrs. Brown is her hugs, one hug and all my troubles would vanish.

Who will I run to now with all my silly and crazy problems? Aside from Eddy, I didn't want to bother my mom with any of it because I knew she still had her own things to sort out, and that has always been perfectly fine with me. But, every morning without hearing her voice will be a reminder that she truly was gone. My heart felt like a sinking ship just by the thought alone.

How can one possibly watch and allow for the coffin to go down six feet under, so peaceful she laid in her sleep and I knew she found the happiness her heart has been longing for. "Ca...Can I?" I asked the officer. He nod his head once and as I looked at Jamal, I broke down for the first time, my heart was shattered into a million tiny pieces, he fell to the ground bursting out in tears.

To see him like this, so broken and so lost, and left without any hope to cling on. I couldn't bear to be there any longer, but I had to be strong for Jamal and pay my due respects to Mrs. Brown. What daughter/granddaughter would I be if I couldn't give her the sent off she deserved, but it was also one of the hardest things I had to live through. Knowing that she won't ever come home, and sit on her porch to drink her cup of tea everyday at 15:30 and watch Jamal and Sam and Maya play basketball outside just because "it was hot" for them to do anything else.

"That's my mama. Drew look, just look. She's gone, she's gone and I'll never be able to see her face again, I didn't even get to hear her voice one last time, they robbed us of our last goodbye, just look at her Drew."

There were no words I could say that would make any of this hurt go away or make him feel any better. Jamal felt so hopeless and he had to be strong, he had to fight in order for his freedom and in his eyes I could see he was defeated. That he had given up this fight even before it got started.

I stood up and I looked at everyone around, everyone who came in order to support Mrs. Brown today. It's amazing how many lives she has touched even in death.

"One thing I can say to you all today is that we all came to bury no ordinary woman, she was unique yes, she was a mother yes, she was a caregiver and a God-fearing woman. She always had put God above all, to always make him first in her life, she has inspired all of us here in her own way, and that is something we can all take with us and cherish for as long as we breathe, she has showed us all that she could be. I remember how one time my mother used to look around the neighborhood for me, I was so scared to go back home because I was running from a good ass-whipping, and Mrs. Brown was kind enough to let me hide out at her house," I smiled. Thinking back to the fond memories.

"And whenever I was afraid, she made me forget all and everything around, good or bad, if it wasn't for Mrs. Brown I wouldn't have been the woman I am today. She has taught me that one must always show love and that I must never allow for the hate to consume me, and Jamal, that is what I want you to remember, don't let your hurt turn into anger. Hold your head high and walk with faith because come what may, your mama will always remain with you in spirit. If ever you feel lost just hold your heart and know that there she will always remain. She has not left you, she is walking this road with you, her last words were always of you, you are not alone baby, you have all of us around here today. I will forever be by your side, side by side we shall walk this dark and lonely road together, always." I added with my heart at ease.