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You glanced in the mirror, it was happening again, what could you do? You try to find an escape but chances to flee escape you. You find another way to free yourself of the pain for a little while. You got surrounded by the names you were called or that you gave yourself. You never thought these things could ever have been said about anyone, let alone you. But times have changed and you're believing those words. So your heart is breaking more and more. It's rhythm goes faster and your eyes can barely hold back the tears as you beg yourself not to cry, not to let anyone see. What do you do? What can you do? Your whole life is falling apart. It's not just the names and the gossip, your life at home isn't well. Hell you don't even call it "home" anymore. The pieces of your heart are lost and it's all happening too fast. You can't put them together fast enough anymore, you can barely even find them, and you don't know if you want to anymore. Now you are a broken and shattered thing in the mirror. Without your pieces, you'll never be the same. You try to recover the missing pieces and glue them back together, but there will forever be cracks. You wear a mask of happiness, but sometimes, the cracks go as far as your mask. This allows people for just a moment, to see who you really are and how sad, broken, tired, scarred, and hurt she really feels. That's just so scary to think that no one can see. As quick as someone saw it, it'll be gone even quicker, because you'll get the glue and tape to cover the cracks. You tell not a soul of the masks. They wouldn't care anyways and it'd make things worse. Everyday you hide behind the mask and cover it in makeup to make yourself feel less disgusting and ugly. You don't believe there's enough makeup in the world to cover up the ugliness that you think is there. You don't want to seek attention but just want to fit in. You may lose friends in this battle and you can't afford the few friends you have to leave, it would tear you apart and the mask would shatter, until there's nothing to glue back together and you will give up. Even though these friends keep you alive sometimes, they can also be what makes you want to die. Not one of those "friends" know your deepest secrets. You keep those locked away behind your smiling mask. Who knew a smile could hide so much? It hides the fact that when you look in the mirror, you can't stand what you see. You're the only one who knows of the true extent of hell behind your facade. Some may know bits and pieces, but never everything. Because how do you get help without getting called things?
And so starts the plethora of questions. How do you know you'll get better? How could you stay when I don't want to? Would you walk away and leave me? How will you take it? How would you be able to go back to normal after what I told you because that makes me feel more alone? Why? Why should I continue? Why do I feel this way? Why do I destroy everything I touch?...and the questions won't stop. So you'd rather deal with the secrecy than the questions and risking gaining more pain. You don't know how much longer you can take it, but you try anyways. But if you don't tell someone, you may not need your mask much more, because you don't need one when you're dead. Some people accept these two choices and believe their equal in hardness to choose. But, there are some who hurt themselves to relieve themselves of the pain. These people may still think about ending it all but at least they haven't done it yet. But these people aren't you. You are different, no one is like you, or so you thought. It turns out, there is an army of us trying to will ourselves on and some of us lose, but others win. Choices can define us. They can be what kills us or what saves us. What will you choose?

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