Fight For You (Completed)

It's Okay To Be Not Okay

"I'm sorry."

"Hmm."

"I said I'm sorry."

"I heard you."

"So? Do you forgive me?"

"Do you think you deserve my forgiveness?"

"Yes."

"Quite confident you are, baby boy."

"Don't call me that." Tine whined.

"You said I'm your sugar daddy yesterday so that makes you my baby boy."

"No, it doesn't."

Wat continued working on his phone, "Hmmm."

"Will you stop staring at your phone and look at me?"

"Why should I? "

"Because I'm talking with you."

"And?" Wat raised an eyebrow without sparing him any glance.

"Look at me." Tine huffed.

"I don't want to."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Whatever you want it to. You are pretty good at forming your perception without consulting anyone." Wat rebuffed.

"Are you angry with me?"

"What do you think?"

"Stop replying to my questions with a question."

"..... "

Tine had enough, he went to the couch where Wat was sitting and snatched the phone from his hand and threw it on the floor cracking the screen.

"What the hell? Have you lost it, Tine?" Wat stood up angrily, glaring at Tine.

"You were ignoring me. You are my boyfriend. You can't ignore me."

"Woah, so now I'm your boyfriend? Yesterday-"

"I don't wanna talk about yesterday. I already apologized for that. What else do you want?"

"I want you to not act like a brat. Tine, what's gotten into you? You weren't like this before. I know you have been through worst moments but let me help you. I love you and it's hurts when you push me away like I mean nothing to you."

Tears filled Tine's eyes immediately and he broke down crying. He sobbed for a long time while Wat caressed his face letting him get it all out. After he had calmed down, he just sat there staring at Wat without saying a word. Wat patiently waited for him to open up on his own accord, forcing him to speak would achieve nothing.

"Sarawat."

"Yes bub?"

"I love you."

"I love you too baby."

"But it hurts."

"What does?"

"Everything."

"Tell me bub. Why does it hurt?"

"I don't know. It's like one moment I'm okay but then I hate everything. It's... I don't know..... I just want you to be with me all the time then I hate it when you are right there. I don't understand it. Sometimes I just wanna die yet I desperately wanna live too. I hate waking up in the morning. It's suffocating to live with so many mental and emotional scars.

I want to move on and stay strong and for some time it looks like it'll be all fine but then I crumble suddenly and it's killing me. I can't forget anything, Ryan, Jake, those guys, it's all replaying in my mind every second. I crave your love one minute then I realize I don't deserve it. It's all a mess in my head, Wat. I don't know what to do or how to act around you."

"Bub, why didn't you tell me that you were suffering like this?"

"I hate being weak and pathetic in front of you all the time. I want to be strong and dependable. I want to protect you too but I end up getting in trouble all the time."

"Oh God, Tine it's not your fault. I'm your boyfriend. You can be weak and frail in front of me. That's fine. You can show your flaws to me. Don't shut me out."

"I'm sorry for being insensitive yesterday. I said lots of mean things to you."

"Tine, that's fine just let me know what's going in your head. You shouldn't keep it to yourself."

"I feel like hurting myself at times-"

Wat quickly grabbed his arms and raised the sleeves to look for any cut marks but found none.

"I haven't cut....... yet."

"Bub, don't ever please."

"I know it's wrong but there are days when it's all seem too much. I love my work, Wat. I really enjoyed working at your working. It was so much fun but I can't go back there now. Everyone talked behind my back, called me names, bullied me yet they smiled so prettily in front of me. It scares me how easily people change, how cruel they can be and I don't understand that why is it always me?

I have been nothing but kind and friendly to them. I have never hurt anyone or tried to take advantage of anyone. I am not perfect but I am not bad either then why does everyone around me keeps hurting me? Why do they try to break me? I always give my best, Wat, in relationship or friendship yet I end up getting hurt."

"I'm sorry-"

"It's not your fault, Wat. I just can't get over all this. It's not easy to enter a room and know everyone is watching you, laughing at you. People may say I shouldn't care and ignore them but it's easier said than done. I just can't move on from all this. I feel like I'm drowning and I won't ever get to breathe."

"Bub, come here." Wat pulled Tine on his lap and wrapped his arms around him.

"I know none of this is your fault yet I keep hurting your feelings. You have been so kind and patient with me yet I end up pushing you away. I'm such a mess, Wat."

"A hot mess if I must say so myself." That made Tine giggle.

"Baby, it's perfectly normal to feel the way you are. What you went through could break anyone. But my darling, you aren't broken. I think you're going through depression and I'm here to help."

"I'm being a nuisance."

"No, you are not. We are family, Tine. Aren't we?"

"Yes."

"Family is never a nuisance. You can throw tantrums, have a breakdown or get angry over things as long as you let me know what's hurting you. Don't bottle it up. Let it out. Speak or shout but just don't suppress it."

"I want no one but you. I didn't mean it when I said I'll get a sugar daddy."

"I know bub. I mean where would get someone like me."

"I know. I'm so lucky to have you. You are best thing that has ever happened to me, Wat. I want to ask something. Can I resign?"

"Yes, you can. I never meant to say that you've to continue working there. If you are uncomfortable then you can leave."

"I want to work somewhere else. But not right away. I mean I want a little break. It's all too much right now. I need to sort it out."

"It's fine, Tine. You can do whatever feels right."

"Don't ever leave me, Wat. If I act out or anger or hurt you again then you can shout at me or hit me but just don't leave me. I can't even imagine that. Stay with me forever. I need you."

"Tine I'm not leaving you ever. Why would I let go of such cute little baby? And I'll never hit you no matter how angry I get. I may shout at you but I won't raise a finger against you." Wat poured two glasses of water for both of them.

"I wanted to ask something."

"Yes bub?"

"Can I call you daddy?"

Sarawat choked on the water sending Tine in laughing fit.