1. HELL

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have you ever been alive an all the while wishing to be dead at the same time?

my faith... i mean my parents faith in this religion wants me dead.

being who i am is a sin.

being what i am is a punishment from the highest.

being alive is a mistake.

is there anymore reason to wish that i should never had been born in this... their world?

im the eldest son... a SON!

a son where in some culture was highly regarded as someone to carry on the family name. treasured. nurtured. loved.

LOVED. i really want to laugh at that word.

from where i am now, its non-existent. starting from my 8th birthday, everything crumbled down. i dont even remember anything before that very HAPPY event of my life. its just that i happened to be in a simple accident. then they got me into a hospital to be treated. after that, as soon as i stepped foot in our once happy, safe and warm house, i was kicked from the back and they sacked my belongings down to the cold basement without any more explanation than a word - FREAK.

later on, i was given mercy. they gave me a thick blanket for a bed, hand-me-down shirts from my cousins, and a potty to relieve my self. imagine that for 3 years at most. as i surfaced from the pits of the basement one day on my 11th year being alive still, i just learned that i had a little brother. im just hoping they will treat him better - whatever. luckily, i was still permitted to go to school to save their own faces.

school became my haven

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school became my haven. being teased as a nerd, whatever. i just want to learn. i want to break free from their heavy hands which every night made my life a living hell. i may not had whined about my predicament to my classmates or my teachers. it wont make any difference anyway. friends? i once had them but they just did because they want something from me - a gofer. i had had it enough that one time and refused them and they beat me for it saying im just a loser. typical boys of that grade. after that time, i resolved myself to only live for me and for myself.

whatever benefits me, ill grab it. whatevers not, ill leave without giving a second glance.

though i grew up with this innocent face and a small frame, my fist tells otherwise. in the corner of my haven (basement) i fabricated a punching corner just to vent out my frustrations from the people upstairs. their laughter irritates the hell out of me just because an "angel" came. yep, i got a sister after 13 years being alive in this hell.

 yep, i got a sister after 13 years being alive in this hell

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