Dear Rory,
I'm sorry about what I said.
I'm leaving for LA in two days.
Can we talk before then, please?
We can just drive around as usual.
I don't know how to do this if
you're upset with me.
Call me please. I'm staying at my
parents' house...
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———
August, 2022
I don't have an article for Camilla. I have a deadline tomorrow and no article. I've been spending most of my time writing my book because my agent has been on my back, asking me for daily updates. She's as encouraging as an agent can be which is why I've already forwarded ten whole chapters for her to review. She says it's just what Finch & Sparrow are looking for but she also has a bad habit of being overly enthusiastic about these things. I could write gay Chewbacca fan fiction and she would still encourage me to keep going.
Not Camilla though. Camilla likes to give me an assignment and a deadline and expects a perfect article in her inbox before the deadline's up.
I stare at my computer screen, watching the cursor blink repeatedly on the blank Word document until my eyes cross.
"Hey, scoot over," Cas says, nudging my legs so they could sit next to me.
I take my feet off the coffee table and move to the other side of our couch, leaning my elbow on the arm rest now. When Cas sits down on the other side, I turn towards them and lay my legs over their lap with my socked feet dangling off the other couch arm.
They take the opportunity to place a bowl of popcorn in my lap, not even bothered by me. They simply pick up the remote control and turn the tv on.
"Apparently RHCP is performing at the VMAs tonight," Cas informs me, switching through the channels until they find the one that's airing the show. "They're being honoured or something."
"Great," I mutter, still focused on my blank screen. "Don't raise the volume, though. I have a deadline to meet."
"You're still writing the same article?"
"Still trying to. I have absolutely no idea what to write. I have so much content I've been wanting to put into words and now they all just sound stupid," I respond, peeling my gaze from the tiny screen in my lap to the bigger one propped up on the wall.
"You'll figure it out," Cas reassures me, patting my leg. "Not because I have faith in you, but because I have faith in your crippling fear of failure and disappointing anyone."
"Wow, okay!" I exclaim, actually gasping at their audacity to call me out so loudly. "Thanks Cas!"
"I'm just saying, you'll figure it out! Because you have to!" Cas continues, laughing hard as I sit up and drop my laptop on the coffee table when I get up to leave. Their dog Zorro wastes no time in stealing my spot. "Hey, if you're going to the kitchen, can you get me some water? Please?"
"You've got working limbs, don't you?" I shoot back as I step into the bathroom instead.
