Sometimes Love Is Not Enough

Chapter 01

Khushi

He's right. It's all my fault... I shouldn't have come here. If it wasn't for me... then everyone would have been happy. Di would have been happy. Arnav ji would have been happy. Jiji and Akash jijaji would have been happy in their marriage.

None of this would have happened if simply I wasn't here. If I didn't exist among them.

I ruined everything. Again.

I shouldn't be here. I should leave. I should leave before Arnav ji comes back. Before he gets more sad, more upset, more angry.... because of me.

I took a deep breath, got up from the poolside floor and with shaking hands I started to pack.

He was right. I was an idiot for thinking of having a happy life. I was so blind that I wasn't able to see that I was the reason. I... am the reason why no one is happy.

As I continued putting my clothes in the bag, the room door opened and Arnav ji entered.

I didn't look up because I couldn't look at him. I didn't have the courage to look in his eyes. To see the disgust. The hate. Because I was the reason for all the wrong things that were happening in this house.

I tried my best to control my tears. But I knew... I knew, if I stayed in this room for another minute with him... I'll break.

"Khushi, I...." Arvan ji started but halted as he noticed what I was doing.  I wanted to look at him. I wanted to know if he was fine. But I couldn't. Because I knew he was anything but fine. And I was responsible for it.

I hurried, because I didn't know what he's going to say. What he's going to do? How angry he was? How upset he was? And I swear on Devi Maiya, as much as I want to know, I also don't want to know. I don't want to know how much he hates me. Despises me... And once I see the hate in his eyes... I wouldn't be able to take it. My heart.... won't be able to take it.

I zipped the bag and started for the door when he took a hold on my wrist.

"Khushi.... "

Please, don't do this. Please, Devi Maiya. Help me. I can't face him. Not right now.

"I... I didn't mean any of those things... "

"Arnav ji..." I closed my eyes and took a slow breath before turning but couldn't look at him in the eyes. "You're right... If it wasn't for me then none of this would've ever happened. It's completely my fault. I..."

"I shouldn't have said that. I just... got angry and said all those things to you. I know none of this is your fault. It's that Shyam's fault." Arnav ji interrupted.

If you really didn't mean any of it, if you really didn't believe any of it then why did you say it?

I swallowed deeply as my throat tightened up. I wanted to cry. I wanted to shout at him and ask if he really didn't mean any of it then why did he say it? Why did he break my heart? Why didn't he think of how I'll feel?

"I can't do this. I can't hurt Di anymore. She's already broken from inside. And my being in the same house as her will only worsen it. Because, it's my fault... If I hadn't met with Shyam ji in Lucknow, then none of this would've ever happened. Di would've been happy. You... would've been happy. So, please... Just, let me go." I looked at him for the first time as I finished because I was also hurting. And I wanted him to see it and not stop me from leaving. Because he cares for me. And I know, he doesn't like to see the people he cares for in pain.

He stared at me with pleading eyes but didn't say a single word. Which I knew he wouldn't. Because Arnav Singh Raizada didn't beg. And right now, I don't want him to. All I want is to go home. To my Amma and Babu ji. To Bua ji.

I pulled my hand from him and turned to leave. My eyes watered as I reached for the door. Soon I'll be away from all this. And with people who have always accepted me with their arms open every time I made a mistake.

"You can't go." Arnav ji said as he slammed the door shut and turned me toward him by my arm.

"Arnav ji..." I said it as a plea, as I closed my eyes and a tear streaked down my cheek.

"Have you forgotten?" His voice suddenly sounded harsh and angry. "We have done a contract marriage. For 6 months. You can't go before that ends."

I opened my eyes as his tone went harsher. And he looked nothing like the person who had almost apologized, who was sorry. His eyes had the same look which he has when someone doesn't listen to him. The same look when he had left my hand, for me to fall from the first floor in his office.

"I have to. I can't do this to Di. Please, understand. I also...."

"Then take Payal with you." He said this before he let go of my arms and turned his back to me. "I'll go and ask Akash to end their marriage. And I know he'll do exactly what I want. He won't say no to me."
 
I stared at his back with disbelief as my eyes watered.
 
"How can you...?" My voice broke as I tried. How can someone be like this? How can someone break his own brother's marriage? And that too because I refused to do as he says?
 
"Think fast, Mrs. Raizada. I don't have all night for you." He said as he turned and fixed his cold gaze upon me. This is the person I fell for? This is the person for whom I am ready to sacrifice my own happiness?
 
"You're still the same." I whispered slowly with disbelief as the pain inside me increased to the point of being unbearable. And I looked down at my feet with tear-filled eyes and gripped the bag tightly to keep myself from breaking.
 
"Fine." I nodded as I looked back at him, into his emotionless eyes and dropped my bag on the floor while a tear escaped from my eyes, trailing down my jaw to my neck. "I won't go anywhere."