Sometimes Love Is Not Enough

Chapter 22

Arnav

It's been two days since she left me.

It has been two days... I don't feel like myself. I can't concentrate on my work. I can't stay in my room or anywhere in the house because everything reminds me of her. Everything reminds me that she left me. That she left... because of me.

I sat on the threshold and peered at the pool, almost expecting to hear her payal. I felt sure that I'd hear her shouting for me.... Emptiness encircled me as her laughing face flashed before my eyes... But my breath was seized in my throat as I heard her voice in my ears: "Arnav ji..."

I turned back to face the voice, but the room behind me was empty.

I glanced at the pool, once more waiting for her to call my name. I know it's all in my head, but it's the only way I can hear her. My chest clenched as I heard her say, "Do you know why I fell in love with you?..."

I wanted to answer no, even though I knew why... but I swallowed as I remembered how sad she was because of me that night. How upset she was... How much suffering she endured as a result of my irresponsibility... I had assumed she'd be alright if I was there with her in the dark... But for that, you need trust... And she didn't trust me. Because I never gave her any reason to.

"You're still the same..." Her voice again sounded in my head, even though I closed my eyes, it didn't stop. Her face flashed in front of my eyes... Her eyes were wide with disbelief, and I saw a tear fall from the corner of her eyes to her jaws. She looked at me, heartbroken... How can I break her like that?... How did I manage to shatter her into so many pieces and not notice?... How?.... Why didn't I tell her I loved her that night?... Why didn't I tell her I didn't want her to leave me?... Why didn't I tell her how terrified I was when I saw she wanted to leave?... Why?...

Things would have turned out very differently if I had been honest with her. If I had only kept my ego and Di aside.... If I'd only apologised when she asked...

I took deep breaths as my chest and throat tightened. But I couldn't breathe. Her memories rushed through my mind as tears welled up in my eyes... I placed a hand on my throat as I tried to breathe... But I couldn't. I couldn't breath. I closed my eyes and leaned against the sliding door.

"Bhai?..." Before I slightly opened my eyes and fought to breathe, I heard Akash's frightened voice. "Bhai, are you okay?"

He crouched alongside me and clutched my arm as worry poured across his face.

"Hariprakash! Di!... Dadi!" He yelled at the top of his lungs, but I couldn't pay attention because I could hear her payal from somewhere.

"Bhai! Keep your eyes open." As I continued to struggle to breathe, he gently shook my shoulders, and my eyes began to close. "Hariprakash!"

"Arnav ji.." Her gentle voice reached out to me.

I struggled to open my eyes, looking around for her, and slowly muttered, "Khushi..."

I could hear a few voices around me but couldn't make out what they were saying or who they belonged to.

I could feel my breathing slowing and my consciousness fading. And I should be concentrating on breathing as anyone else in my situation would. As Arnav Singh Raizada would've already done... But I wasn't that person. At least not in the last six months... I felt myself drifting away. It almost felt like I was going to die, but I didn't care. All I could think about was listening to the sound of her payal... Because if dying is the only way to be with her forever... then so be it.