Sometimes Love Is Not Enough

Chapter 05

Khushi

I sat down on a single sofa without sparing him a look and placed my platter of jalebi on the table before taking one.
 
"Khushi, why didn't you tell me before coming here?" He questioned me while I stared out of the window and munched down my jalebi.
 
I knew he would come. I knew he wouldn't like it if I came here. But I felt at peace when I saw him angry. I knew he was worried about me. But what he was more worried about was that I had left him. He had thought that I had left him. And that's what brought him here. But still, it gave me some sort of satisfaction, and... What am I doing? What's wrong with me? when did I become like him? Since when do I get pleasure from someone's pain?
 
"How many times do I have to tell you to look at me when I'm talking to you, damn it?" He raised his voice. And that was enough to snap me back to reality.
 
"I had informed Nani Ji." I said it quietly without looking at him.
 
"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked angrily, gritting his teeth.
 
"Because you're in the shower." I pushed the remaining jalebi into my mouth. "And don't worry. I'll come back. I'm not going to run." I looked him in the eyes as I finished. His gaze softened at that. I could see the guilt... The regret in his eyes...
 
"I just meant if you had told me, then I also could've come with you. That's it." He tried, calmly.
 
I took a small breath before biting on another Jalebi and saying softly, "I know. But... you should be with Di instead."
 
I looked away and ate another jalebi because I could feel myself getting weak. I could feel myself getting lost in his words. In his eyes.
 
"Here you go, Arnav Babua." Bua Ji said, smiling, as she passed him a tea cup. "Without sugar."
 
"Thank you, Bua Ji." He took the cup and glanced at me before giving Bua Ji a small smile and drinking.
 
"Here you go. Sanka Devi. Your tea." Bua Ji pushed a tea cup towards me. "And stop eating that. You've been making and eating them since this morning. Leave it." She slapped my hand away and took the jalebi platter with her back to the kitchen before I could take another or at least protest.
 
I huffed out a breath while making a face, and I sipped from my cup.
 
"You made Jalebi?" I almost flinched as his voice came from my left. I had completely forgotten for a second that he was here.
 
I just nodded. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it as Bua Ji returned.
 
"Lunch will be ready in 15 minutes." Bua Ji handed me a container. "And here... your Jalebi. Don't you dare eat them before you go home." She scolded me while pointing a finger at me, then again went back to the kitchen.
 
"Come home with me. Khushi." Arnav Ji said, quietly drawing my attention. He was hurting; I could hear that in his voice. And it's hurting me because I am responsible for that. I stared at my hands for a few seconds before looking up and nodding with a small smile. Which he returned with a big one. I stared at him as his smile reached his eyes. As his eyes smiled. As his eyes glittered. As he became happy. And I smiled seeing him happy while Bua Ji's words rang in my ears: "We must make sacrifices if we want to live a happy life with the people we love."

*

I arranged all the folded clothes in the cupboard, which I found on the bed as I returned with Arnav Ji, who left as soon as he dropped me off to attend some meeting.
 
I sat by the poolside and leaned against the sliding door with my Jalebi container on my lap. As I took the first bite, I scratched today's date on my notebook. I have been counting days ever since my marriage. And somehow, I had forgotten to do it during the last few months. But Arnav Ji reminded me. He reminded me that this was a contract marriage. And it was for only six months. Which will soon end. All I had to do was wait... Wait until the actual wait is over. And it will all end in five days.
 
My eyes watered as I gazed at the stars. Ma... Baba... I'm doing the right thing, na? This is right, na? I'm....
 

I heard the room door open and close. I shut my eyes and pretended to sleep because I was 100% sure it was Arnav Ji. How can I be so stupid as to bring the notebook out now? I knew it was time for him to come home. Hai, Devi Maiya! I don't want him to find it. I don't want him to see it.
 
I felt him close by. At first, I thought he would wake me up. But he didn't. He took the notebook from my hands, then the container. I wanted to hold onto both of them, but I couldn't since I was sleeping. For a few seconds, I didn't feel him, and I thought he might be gone. As I opened an eye to check, he returned. I closed it again and pretended to sleep.
 

I felt arms wrapping around my waist then on the back of my knees. He... had picked me up in his arms. My eyes watered as I felt my heart banging on its cage. As I felt the familiar warmth. I rested my head on his shoulders as he moved.
 
Soon I was lying on my back on the bed as his arms left me. After he covered me with the duvet, I felt the side of my pillow dip. He kissed my forehead and stayed like that for a few seconds while a tear slipped down my face. Gently, he brushed it off and left. As I heard the bathroom door click, I opened my eyes and stared at the closed door for a moment before turning on my side. Another tear slipped down my face, and I realized that... soon, I'll be cold, looking for his warmth.