Sometimes Love Is Not Enough

Chapter 15

Khushi

I waited for everyone to wake up. To have their breakfast. Afterwards, I waited for Bua Ji and Amma to arrive. Because they also have the right to know everything, along with the whole Raizada family.
 
And as usual, Arnav Ji was nowhere to be found. I laughed internally and shook my head as I packed my bag. What did I even expect from him?... He's never been with me when I needed him. So why will he be with me now?
 
But today, I'll fix everything. With or without him.
 
I checked the cupboard once more for any of my belongings. Then I closed it, as I was sure that I was leaving nothing behind. I took my Devi Maiya from the bedside, packed it, and then gave another glance at the room, making sure that I wasn't leaving anything behind.
 
When I was sure that I had nothing left, I sighed slowly, sat on the bed, and my conversation with Arnav Ji last night rang in my ears: "I love you, Khushi." I clasped my hands together as I swallowed and looked around the room, trying my best to divert my mind. But his voice didn't leave me as I tried to think about everything but him.
 
"Please don't do this." His voice echoed in my ears, and his sad face continued to flash before my eyes as a whimper escaped my mouth and my eyes started to water. I tightly closed my eyes and tried to stop his voice, but it only grew louder. "I won't be able to live without you. I..."
 
Suddenly, I felt fingers gently wrapping around my wrist. I flinched and opened my eyes. Tears slipped down my face as I found Arnav Ji crouched down before me.
 
I breathed heavily as he stared at me with concern, both in his eyes and his face. And I stared back at him for a few seconds before realizing what I was doing. I pulled my hand from his before I walked a few steps away from him and dried my face. Then, I turned without looking at him and reached for my bag, checking everything. I felt his eyes on me, but he didn't say anything for a while and kept watching me.
 
I was arranging my bangles in a box, standing in front of the mirror, when he broke the silence. "So you have decided?"
 
I nodded as I continued arranging my bangles but didn't look at him. I don't know why, but I was feeling strange... I felt like I was doing some kind of injustice to him... Although it was true. Normally, people get separated mutually, but... I was forcing this on him. He didn't want this. And I was feeling guilty for making him do something against his wishes. But our lives... were connected. We were...
 
"What are you going to tell everyone?" He asked quietly while observing me.
 
From the corner of my eyes, I saw him cross his arms on his chest as he kept his entire focus fixed on me and waited for my answer.
 
But before I could answer, Hariprakash ji knocked on the door and said, "Bhabhi ji, your family has arrived."
 
"Call everyone in the living room. Tell them it's urgent." I said softly before he left, nodding, and I placed the boxes in the bag before finally looking at Arnav Ji.
 
His eyes were sad as he stared at me and said nothing.
 
"Will you come down with me?... They won't believe me if you aren't there." I said this as I took him in for the last time.
 
His jaws were clenched and his hands fisted tightly as he stared at me with a look in his eyes that I didn't want to read. I know he's upset. Angry... But just like he said, he wouldn't be able to live without me... I also wouldn't be able to live if I stayed with him. And this definitely doesn't mean that I don't love him... I love him very much, but I wouldn't be me anymore if I stayed with him any longer... I have already lost a lot of myself. I have changed a lot... The last thing I would want is to completely forget who I truly am.
 
"You know, they won't believe me... but they will believe you." I requested as I stared at him with the hope that he would help me.
 
"If them not believing anything you say has a chance of keeping you here... then be it." He said this coldly, staring into my eyes.
 
I bit the inside of my cheek and looked down at my feet, trying to control my tears. Then I took a deep breath before looking back at him.
 
"It's good to know... that nothing can change Arnav Singh Raizada." I said that and gave him a sad smile before taking my bags and going downstairs.
 
"Hello-Hi-Bye-Bye! What does this Phati Saree have to say now after everything? She even called her family." I heard Mami ji say as I came downstairs.
 
"Sanka Devi, Is everything alright?" Bua Ji whispered to me as I stood near her while she exchanged a worried glance with Amma.
 
I only smiled at her and Amma. Then I glanced at Jiji, who gave me a tight smile beside Akash Jijaji.
 
"Khushi Bitiya, why did you suddenly call us here?... Is everything alright?" Nani Ji asked worriedly as she sat opposite Di.
 
"Everything is fine." I nodded as my throat tightened. "I wanted you all to know something."
 
As I glanced at everyone for their reaction, I felt someone looking at me. Knowing who it was, I glanced at the top of the stairs, where Arnav Ji stood staring at me.
 
I knew what he was doing. He was watching to see if I could say the whole truth and if anyone believed me.
 
I held his eyes for a second before I turned my attention back to everyone and inhaled deeply through my mouth before saying, "Six months ago, Di, you had asked me why we suddenly got married, and I hadn't answered." Di looked at me.
 
"But today I will." I said this as I turned to face her. "That day... Arnav Ji had misunderstood that I and..." I paused. "... Shyam Ji were having an affair. He had thought that I was trying to break his Di's marriage. And to stop that from happening, he blackmailed me."
 
Nani Ji looked at me with shock and asked before anyone could, "Chote?"
 
I nodded and swallowed deeply as I nervously looked at him for less than a second, then back at Nani Ji, "He had said that; I'll have to marry him. And if... If I refuse, then he won't let Jiji and Jijaji get married. And that Jijaji won't even think for a second before calling off the marriage if only he asks."
 
"Then I agreed. And... we got married for six months. Which ended yesterday." I looked down at my shaking hands and waited for someone to say something, but no one did.
 
For a while, they all just stared at me with shock and confusion. Even Mami Ji was quiet.
 
"Why didn't you tell anyone after your marriage?" Di asked, breaking the silence, and stepped near me.
 
"Because... Arnav Ji said that he would force Jiji and Jijaji to get divorce if I didn't listen to him." I said it without looking up. Because he might be the one who did all these things, but I also had a part in it. I also didn't tell anyone on the day of the wedding... I could've, but I didn't. Because I was scared that Jiji's wedding would break again... Because of me.
 
And I didn't want that to happen again. So, I did whatever he asked.
 
But I also did something he hadn't asked for... I fell in love with him.
 
I wish that day I had told Di everything about Shyam Ji instead of hesitating. Then none of this would've happened...
 
But no one would've really believed me.