Sometimes Love Is Not Enough

Chapter 09

Khushi

I felt someone near me. Someone is sitting next to me. But I couldn't open my eyes. I wanted to. But I couldn't.
 
My head pounded as I tried to open my eyes again. But I failed. Hai, Devi Maiya! What's wrong with me? Oh, right, I fainted. I took a small breath through my mouth and finally opened them after a few seconds.
 
The first thing I saw was the curtains blowing. But it wasn't clear. I looked down on myself before closing my eyes again. And all I knew was that the curtains were blowing, I was lying in the center of the bed, and someone had changed my clothes. Because I was wearing my white sleeping salwar kamez. And I knew it was Jiji who had changed my clothes because the dupatta was draped on my shoulders while covering the upper half of my body. Only she will do it like this.

I blinked a few times before I could finally see clearly. I again looked at the curtains in front of me and realized that I was in my room.
 
I slowly turned my head to my left and found Arnav Ji sitting on the bed beside me while leaning against the headboard. His head was turned to my side with his eyes closed.
 
I stared at him while he slept with a frown between his brows. I shifted a little to get a good look at his face and avoided the growing headache. Swallowing dryly, I reached up with a slightly shaking hand and touched his cheek. I felt his trimmed beard while I caressed his cheek with my thumb.
 
I stared at him while I thought just how much I loved him that I couldn't see my own worth. That I couldn't think of myself when he was in front of me.
 
I pulled back my hand as tears started to blur my vision. I slowly got up, but, halfway through, I felt a tug on my dupatta. I turned to find it stuck under Arnav Ji's hand. I slowly leaned in and tried pulling it without waking him up. But it was hard to concentrate as I felt his breath against my face. I looked up at him and stared for a few seconds before I backed up and freed my dupatta.
 
I slowly got up from the bed and pushed my hair away from my face before heading for the pool. I silently opened the half-open poolside door and curtains. Then I sat down on the threshold, resting the side of my head on the doorframe, and pulled my knees against my chest before wrapping my arms around it. I stared up at the starless sky as the cold breeze pushed through my hair, and I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply.
 
After a few minutes, I heard the rustling of the duvet and felt him close by. But I kept my eyes closed as he sat down next to me.

"How are you feeling?" He asked. His voice low and worried. But I didn't answer.
 
It felt like a lot of time before he again broke the silence by saying, "You misunderstood me."
 
I kept both my eyes and mouth shut as I felt him staring at me.
 
"Tonight... I wanted to apologize to you. I wanted to win your heart back... I wanted to win you back." I heard him pause for a second. "And yes, I had told Hariprakash to turn the lights off, but not all of them... I had told him to just turn our bedroom lights off. Because I was supposed to be with you at that time... I wanted to surprise you. And... I had thought that you wouldn't be afraid if I was with you."
 
I opened my eyes as his voice broke but didn't turn to him as he continued after another brief pause, "I know, I did a lot of things. Things that I shouldn't have done. And I recently realized that it had made it hard for you to believe me. But whatever I did, I thought that was the right decision for my family. Everything I did was to protect my family... But I failed. I couldn't protect them from Shyam. I couldn't protect Di from Shyam. And you were the one who had to pay for it all. When I..."
 
"Paying for it." I interrupted while staring at the water, then turned to finally face him. He had a confused look on his face, but it soon turned into a shock as I added, "I'm still paying for it."
 
He stared at me silently while a tear slipped down my eyes. Brushing it off, I again turned to the water before resting my chin on my knees.
 
"But... Everything will be fine. Devi Maiya will fix everything." I added because I knew I'll fix everything this time. Everything. No matter how much it hurts.

When he didn't say anything, I asked, "Did I ever tell you why I fell in love with you?"
 
"Why?" He asked quietly after a moment as I felt his eyes on me.
 
"Because you loved your family—your Di—more than anything in the whole world. And you were always ready to do anything for them. Especially for Di..." I answered while staring at the water before turning to him. He had both happiness and sadness in his eyes as he looked into my eyes.
 
"Khushi, I... I love you." He said this as he took my hand in his and I stared at our joined hands sadly.
 
"I know." I said while resting my chin on my arm, tilting my head to the side, and staring at him.
 
"Then trust me. I didn't want to scare you. All I wanted to do was apologize. That's it. You misunderstood me." He said pleading while softly looking into my eyes. How different things would have been... if you just had asked for forgiveness.
 
"But you didn't."
 
"I'm... sor..."
 
"It's fine. I know, you had your reasons." I interrupted before pulling my hand from his, standing up and returning to bed, again carrying a familiar heaviness on my chest... Only if you had apologized.