Sometimes Love Is Not Enough

Chapter 11

Khushi

I kept my mouth shut. Because forgiveness is not something you can get by forcing someone. Not this time, at least.
 
I kept my gaze down on his hand, where he held mine in a death grip. It's going to leave a mark again. And I'll have to lie to everyone again.
 
"Khushi... I said, Sorry. Forgive me. Now." He said. His voice was angry as he kept his eyes on me. I didn't need to look at his face to know that he wasn't just looking at me but glaring at me. And why wouldn't he? It's not everyday that Arnav Singh Raizada wants something and doesn't get it.
 
I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from answering. Because only Devi Maiya knows how much I want to tell him that it's too late to ask for forgiveness. Even though it's forcefully given when I don't even want it anymore. But I don't want to argue with him on the last day of our marriage. I just want today to pass without any kind of problem.
 
"This is the last time I'm saying this, Khushi." Arnav Ji warned me. "I'm sorry for yesterday."
 
"For yesterday?" I questioned, slightly raising my eyebrows.
 
"Yes. And... for before." He added slowly, as if he were apologizing for someone else's mistake.
 
I huffed out a laugh before shaking my head with disbelief. What is this man made of?... How can someone not apologize when they know of their faults?... Don't they feel the guilt? Or feel any kind of regret?
 
"Fine, I forgive you." I said it casually and waited for him to let me go. Because honestly, I have had enough.
 
"Khushi, I said sorry." He said this, his nose flaring with anger.
 
"And I said, I forgive you." I paused and looked into his eyes. "Now let me go. Nani Ji is calling me."
 
"You are not leaving until you forgive me."
 
"Really? And what will you do if I don't forgive you?" I asked as I snatched my hand free and rubbed the place he was holding.
 
"Don't test me, Khushi. You know exactly what I can do." He said as he stepped closer.
 
"Of course. How can I forget?" I said as I nodded my head and looked down at my feet while agreeing with him. Because he's actually right.... I know exactly what he can do.
 
"But what will you do this time? Hm?" I asked as a v formed between my eyebrows, and I folded my arms on my chest and pretended to think while he stared at me with his eyes narrowed and his forehead creased.
 
"You will again misunderstand something? Or... or forcefully marry me again? Or..." I looked up at his eyes. "You will blackmail me... again."
 
"I didn't know you were still holding on to it." He spoke quietly as the anger on his face and in his eyes softened before completely vanishing and sadness took place.
 
"I wasn't... until you reminded me that this is just a contract marriage." I said as my eyes prickled with tears. No, I won't cry. I won't cry in front of him.
 
He opened his mouth to say something, but a knock sounded on the door, and he stopped. I quickly turned away and faced the wall while he went to open the door. I dabbed the corners of my eyes, then took a quick breath and placed a smile before turning.
 
Nani Ji entered and glanced between me and Arnav Ji with worry on her face before asking, "Is... everything alright?"
 
"Of course, Nani Ji. Why?" I asked casually, stepping close to her.
 
"You two look..." She started but paused for a second before continuing again, "...You wanted to learn the halwa na?... Come."
 
I nodded with an excited smile and followed her without looking at Arnav Ji.

*

I sat by the poolside and stared at the stars. Taking them in for the last time... But I closed my eyes as soon as the room door opened and closed behind me. And I didn't need to turn to know that it was Arnav Ji.
 
I should talk to him. I should at least tell him that today is the last night of our contract marriage. And I'll be leaving tomorrow morning. But my throat tightened at the thought of leaving him. My eyes started to water as my chest felt heavy and unbearable. I felt like... I was doing something wrong by leaving him like this. By hurting him like this.
 
Devi Maiya, you know na, how much I love him. How much I care about him... The last thing I would want to do is hurt him.... But he was wrong. He still is. And I know it's selfish of me to do this... but... I'm also hurt. I'm also suffering. I'm also...
 
"Khushi." He called me softly. And I closed my eyes to the sound. This is the last time I'm going to hear him call me like this. The last time I'm going to hear his voice.
 
A tear slipped down my face as I bit on my lower lip to stop any sound from coming out of my mouth. The last thing I want is to break in front of him. To be weak. And if I did... I know I'd believe every word that would come out of his mouth, and I wouldn't be able to leave.
 
No. I... I can't do this right now. I can't talk to him right now. I shook my head and dried my eyes as I decided to talk to him in the morning. With a clear head.
 
Hai, Devi Maiya, help me. I sniffed through my nose and stood. Then I took another look at the stars before turning to the room.
 
He stood near the bed while staring at me. But I didn't look at him. I didn't dare to. I didn't know what I would do if he asked me to stay... Maybe I would say yes.
 
As I tried to walk past him, he held my hand... I closed my eyes for a second before turning to him. And I waited for him to say something. But he just stared at me with sadness in his eyes and softly held my hand.
 
Please don't look at me like that... Don't make me feel like I'm doing something wrong.
 
He took a step forward, then let go of my hand and pulled me into a hug. My breath got caught as he slowly wrapped his arms around my back and my waist. I swallowed deeply as he held me in his arms while my vision started to blur with tears. I squeezed my eyes shut and slowly raised my hands, wrapping them around him while he tightened the hug and buried his face in the crock of my neck.