Eternally Yours

Chapter 15: Heal me, please

I rushed home at once to let out all my grief & wipe away all my worries & sufferings.

Our results were out and I was happy with my marks. Abhi's marks were, needless to say, incredibly higher than me. I was so happy hearing that and I couldn't wait to congratulate him. So, we decided to meet at the library. I was going through some of the books there and was waiting for him until I heard two girls gossiping. They were back-facing me, so they couldn't see me, but I could clearly hear what they were saying.

"Have you seen Abhimanyu da's marks?"

"Yeah! Just how brilliant can a person be? He has aced in every subject."

"He has always been the topper, I heard."

"Huh! Poor him, just see the girl he got for himself. Our not so brilliant, dumb Esha. Have you seen her marks? Just compare his and her marks once, I feel like puking on her results. How can he date someone like her?"

"Haha! Just think, the way Abhimanyu da is making progress, soon he would be a brilliant and a successful doctor in the country. And then, he would probably fly to some other country for pursuing his further studies. Who knows? Then our lovely Esha would be left alone, crying here being heartbroken. Abhimanyu Da won't even remember her by then."

I couldn't hear anymore. I ran from there as fast as I could.
"How could they speak such mean things about me? Moreover, how dare they question about our love? I may not have done as good as him, but is it really necessary to do as good as him just because we love each other? Why do people force me to feel so low of myself? They make me feel like that I have no capacity to stand beside him. Why do they compare my capability on the basis of his merit? Why do they compare? I can just choose not to listen to them, but I just can't. I can't just forget their words. Those words pierced my soul, shook my beliefs and what not. But--but somewhere they have a point. And that is making me restless. Abhi's progress can easily earn him a chance to study abroad. Whereas I----no, even if I can't, I'll support him totally if he wants to go abroad for studying. But will he return back after that? What if he doesn't? And even if he does, he might not feel the same for me then, and we would end up------I--I can't handle a breakup, the way my life grew extremely dependent on him, it's impossible for me to imagine my future without him in it."

The mental turmoil I was going through brought heavy tears in my eyes. I was feeling so lonely, so helpless that I didn't know what to do, where to go. Abhi texted me saying he would be a bit late. But I couldn't wait for him in the campus anymore. Everytime I came across the other students, it felt as if they were mocking me. I felt extremely vulnerable and unworthy of him. So, I decided to return home, where nobody would criticise me like the people out there.
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The sound of the wind chimes in my room tried to take away all the unwanted memories of my life and cheer me up, the cool breeze tried to remove the stains of dried tears from my cheeks and heal my wounds. But they failed. They finally understood that I was hurt, so miserably hurt that only one person could calm down the tide in my heart at that moment. Only his love could make me smile again. His one hug, or one kiss could again make me believe in myself and reassure me that, "Everything is fine, your Abhi won't leave you ever, not in any circumstance. You are good the way you are. Your Abhi loves just the way you are."

I knew I was asking for too much, but the thing I wanted to hear more than his words of comfort, was his promise to stay there for me for eternity. It's because I felt insecure about myself that affected my thoughts about our relationship.

I choked on my sobs when I heard Maa knocking on the door. I knew she was worried. I knew it from her voice. And who wouldn't be? It was my birthday, I was cheerful in the morning when I went to my college, but now, as soon as I stepped into the house, I just locked myself in my room, without even sharing my results with them, which was totally unexpected from me.