Rogue (Supernatural) [Rogue Trilogy] {1}

9. Seeking Answers

9. Seeking Answers

Dad's gone, again, for the night. As usual, Dean is in charge, though I'm not sure a teenager is the best person to place in charge. Well, it's either him, me, or Sammy, and Sammy is way too young to handle such a big task.

We're in some state in some stinky motel room, practically abandoned by our dad. Dean and I know why Dad goes out, but Sammy doesn't. We try to keep him in the dark, but his curiosity is making him ask questions. I wonder if it's only a matter of time before he figures it out, he's always been a smart kid.

Tonight, it's a raging storm overhead. The storm doesn't bother me. The thunder can shake the room and I won't flinch. It's the lightning that bothers me.

We've got the TV on, but the storm drowns it out. All we have it on for at this point is light in the room. We've closed all the blinds on the windows to keep the lightning out. Our door is locked, Dad would kill us if we left it unlocked. Thankfully, I'm the one to remind the three of us, and I make sure the windows are locked too. We can't let anyone—or anything—come inside.

There're only two beds, and I've got one to myself while Sam and Dean take the other. I'm curled under the sheets, missing my ones back home. I miss home a lot, we haven't settled down anywhere to make another one permanent.

As much as I love my brothers and my dad, sometimes I want to just walk away and never come back. Maybe find a new family to adopt me. I don't like what this is doing to my family. I don't like how Dad is obsessed with hunting things that go bump in the night, the monsters that parents tell their children about at bedtime to watch out for to scare them into sleeping. I don't like how Dad is practically grooming Dean into being his obedient dog. Dad's been trying with me, but I've been resisting little by little. For now, he has a lot of control over me still.

That'll stop once I grow older. Right now, I don't feel confident enough to stand toe-to-toe with the man who gave me life.

The thunder clap rattles the room, and then the TV's light winks out. Power's out. Great. With no power, the room feels threatening in a way. Nobody really moves, so my brothers must be asleep.

But sure enough, I hear shifting behind me, and I know someone's up. Judging by the fact that I feel more weight in my bed, I know it's Sam. This has happened for a while, ever since we've been on the road. Sam couldn't exactly cuddle up to Dean. At least with me, I'm more understanding. I know he's the youngest and that this is probably a common fear of kids his age.

He doesn't say anything, but I know he's behind me. I can feel his faint body heat. I know if Mom were here, she'd let him stay in the same bed. Can't say the same for Dean and our dad.

I must be the only one other than Sammy who hasn't been altered by Dad's road tripping. And I'm not going to let him dictate the rest of my life. Dean is already a goner, I probably can't change him. Can't save him.

But I can still save Sam. I can still save myself. I can save us.

***

I don't wake to a stormy morning. Sunlight peeks through the window curtains. I lay on my side. It's been a while since my memory and dreams have blended together. I had this happen a lot when I first left the family behind.

I sit up in bed, using the heels of my palms to rub against my eyes. I look over my shoulder and see Castiel out. I ruffle my blonde hair. Might as well shower before he's up. I move around the bed and shut the bathroom door, slowly stripping and turning on the water. I gauge the temperature and try to get it the hottest it can go. I can't go into a morning with a cold shower. It's just not happening.