Broken

Relapse

There's something going on inside of me that even I can't understand.
It's a deep down darkness that will never start to mend.
I've tried to gain control.
I thought I won the battle long ago.
Now the demons are back.
Fighting me day by day,
They want to make me crack.
This time they're here to stay.
I'm half tempted to let them win this time.
I'm so sick of exhausting all of these lies.
I'm frustrated in a whole different state of mind.
I don't even have the energy it takes to want to try.
I don't know how I got this way.
But I'm positive there's no escape.
There's something very wrong with me.
And the scars it's going to leave behind are really fucking deep.
I swear I tried to beat this.
I thought I could recover.
The truth is, that I need this.
It's a sickness unlike any other.
You think it's what I wanted.
Like my mind gave me a choice.
But you can't hear the silence behind the loudest noise.
If giving up was an option,
I would have done it by now.
But for me there's no stopping,
I couldn't, even if I knew how.
There's something so fragile living inside of me.
It's hard to explain to someone who can't see.
It's worse than it's ever been before.
Everyday it gets harder to ignore.
I wanted to be able to keep it under control.
But the reality is, I need it to feel whole.
Underneath my tortured mind I used to be so strong.
As my life unravels and I slowly lose it all,
I hope you're there to catch me before I crash and fall.