Broken

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This is not who I am
But it's who I've become.
I tried to make it end.
But I was really just numb.
I thought I could pretend
That I wasn't in over my head.
I thought I conquered these feelings but they won't let me forget.
Everything inside of me is screaming for help.
It's not over yet.
The cards have just been dealt.
I don't wanna play anymore.
I just wanna get better.
Lying on the bathroom floor
Feeling heavy as a feather.
Crying as I stare at the reflection of someone I don't want to be.
I'm alive but I'm not living.
Look what you've done to me!
I made them all believe that you had gone away.
Lying to everyone because secretly I always knew that you were here to stay.
I'm in too deep to save myself.
There's no hope now for any help.
It's taking all that I have left of me.
I feel it stealing my strength and flowing hatred through my veins.
I've come to believe that it's not possible to change.
I'm becoming a monster and it's all because of you.
I don't even know the person I've turned in to.
Breaking mirrors and crying myself to sleep.
Terrified of my own truth because I know that it might kill me.
I can't hide behind denial anymore.
You're reckless enough to leave me begging for more.