Broken

Sick

I'm sorry that I'm not okay.
I'm always gonna be this way.
I'm poisonous.
I'm toxic.
I know you hate to watch it.
Watch me fall apart more and more each day.
I'm trying to keep you happy while I'm miserable in so many ways.
Everything about this has changed me.
You can try, but you can't save me.
You'll never be able to understand why I became this mess that I'm now caged in.
I hate this just as much as you
but you refuse to see.
I'm a danger to myself and it scares the fuck out of me.
I'm suffocating in my own existence.
But deep down I'm afraid that recovering might make me miss it.
I've never been sane and you always knew it.
So don't act surprised now like It's my first time going through it.
I'm sorry that you can't comprehend my pain.
But I can't apologize for the uninvited voices taking over in my brain.
I'm done being sorry for being sick.
If you don't wanna believe it by now, you're never gonna see it.
You can choose to ignore that I have a disease,
But unfortunately it's not that easy for me.
I can't just turn it off like a switch.
It's not a decision, it's a fucking sickness.