Untouchable

Zoe

*Song for this chapter- Don't Know Why by Norah Jones*

It had all happened so fast. Alfie had taken me out to the pool, leading by the hand. At first I wasn't sure what it was about but once we were seated and he said he had something to tell me, I was adamant he was going to tell me. My heart pounded furiously in my chest, blood beating in my ears. His face had been so close to mine I could see every fleck of colour in his eyes, I could feel his steady breath on my face. I had grasped his hand without even thinking. He was leaning in closer and then...
"ALFIEEEEEEEE!" It was her, I knew it although I still shot Alfie a confused glance. Her voice was grating, slicing through the air. It wasn't until I heard Jack's voice saying my name in an accusatory way that I really snapped out of it. They were both stood there, leaning over the railings and looking at us.
"Come up then!!" Kimmi shouted. I looked up at Alfie from underneath my lashes and his eyes bore back into mine. He looked genuinely upset but he broke the gaze and stood up abruptly, heading up the stairs.

I followed behind him. What were the boys doing back so early? And how was Kimmi here?! She was in England the last I knew! Once I reached the top of the stairs I could see Kimmi's arm around Alfie. Finn and Louis were there too, and almost everyone else had come outside.

"Hey!" I said to Jack, plastering a smile on my face and going over to him. "What are you doing back so early?" I asked.
"You act like you're not excited to see me," Jack said jokingly. "We just made better time than we thought."
"Ah, good!" I said, fixing the smile on my face. His eyes searched my face, a slight frown.
"Don't I get a kiss then?" he asked. I blinked hard.
"Why don't you kiss me?" I challenged him, not sure what else to do. I couldn't quite bring myself to lean in and kiss me. Jack leaned down and his lips were on mine, moving slowly. I had to return the kiss but I had never forced something so much. He pulled away and put his arms round me. Over his shoulder I could see Kimmi and Alfie kissing too and his arms were so tight around her body. My eyes stung. I had to get out of there.
"I'm just going to the bathroom," I announced, more loudly than I had meant to. Even over the music, which had been turned down slightly on their arrival. I started walking.
"Zoe, are you OK?" Jack called.
"I'm fine!" I shouted in a high pitched voice over my shoulder. "Just girl stuff!" I added, as a ruse.
"Gross," I heard Caspar complain as I brushed last him.

I fled through the house, reaching my room and slammed the door behind me. I collapsed to the floor, head in my lap and sobbed. I heard the music rise to its original volume and figured I wouldn't be heard. I poured my heart out. With every sob, a new, upsetting thought came into my mind. Alfie with Kimmi. Alfie nearly telling me. My own spiralling feelings for Alfie. The fact I had nearly cheated on Jack, when that was something so unlike me and which I didn't condone at all. I was an awful person. I gulped loudly, even bigger sobs shaking my body.

I jumped violently when I heard a knock at the door and covered my mouth to avoid whoever it was hearing my cries. Was it Jack, come to find me? Or Alfie? Hell, it could be Kimmi coming for a scrap. But we hadn't actually done anything for them to get suspicious about? We were just sat next to each other...
"Zoe?!" I heard Joe's voice hiss from behind the door. "I know you're in there!" I quickly scrambled to my knees and twisted the door knob. He pushed it open and at seeing me in a crumpled mess on the floor, immediately look concerned and knelt down. "Oh my God, Zoe what's wrong?" I couldn't answer, I just burst into more tears and Joe placed his arms gently around my shoulders and rubbed my back.

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"I knew something was going on," Joe said matter-of-factly. We were sat on the floor, side by side, backs up against the door. My crying had fallen into the odd sniffle. I had told Joe everything. I had to. He was my brother. My best friend. He hadn't judged me. He'd just listened.
I turned to face him. "What do I do now?" I asked him. He looked back at me.
"I don't know Zo. I'm not really the best person to ask for relationship advice, being the permanently single Sugg."
"OK, well if you were in my situation, what would you do?" I longed for an answer.
"Well. If I were in your situation I'd be wondering what I was doing to attract two guys to me instead of girls," he said.
"Joe!" I moaned, rolling my eyes. "Could you ever be serious?" He smirked, a half smile playing on his lips. He ran his hands through his hair.
"Look Zoe. As I said, I have little experience here. But what I do know is that if I liked someone enough to cry over them like you have over Alfie, then there's definitely something you can't ignore. Whether it's something you act on is up to you, but you need to understand your feelings for Jack too." My eyes were warm with tears but I nodded. He was right. Exactly how I would do that, I wasn't sure.

Joe put his arm around me and I rest my head on his shoulder.
"God Zoe Sugg. What a mess you've got yourself in here," he said softly, squeezing my shoulder.

And boy did I know it.