Untouchable

Alfie

*Song for this chapter- "Show me Love" by Sam Feldt*

My eyes slowly opened and adjusted to the bright morning light. Faintly, I could hear the waves crashing and the call of a seabird. I turned over and nearly jumped at seeing Kimmi laying there too. I had forgotten she was here but the memories of the night before came flooding back.

"What are you doing here?!" I'd asked her, sounding as surprised as I was, but not necessarily in a good way.
"Well, I figured I was missing out and I wanted to be here with you. So I got a really last minute discount flight out here! I messaged a couple of you guys asking how I could get from the airport to here and that's when Jack said they were leaving later than you guys and could pick me up!"

My eyes shot around the group who were now gathered. Marcus immediately gave me a "I didn't know anything face". I wonder who else knew .. As for Jack, he was standing smirking at me.
"Great surprise, huh Alf?" he said cheerily, slapping me hard on the back. Maybe a little too hard. He knew. He bloody knew.
"Yeah," I managed to stutter out, bearing a wide grin. Kimmi threw her arms around me and hung off my neck. "We're going to have the best few days!" she proclaimed, kissing me. I kissed her back but all I could think about was where Zoe has gone. I'd seen her go inside moments before and she hadn't returned. I hope she was OK.

As I lay here now I could feel I had no clothes on, and Kimmi's bare back suggested she didn't either. I rubbed my face with my hands furiously. I was such a fraud. How could I have slept with Kimmi when literally all that was on my mind was Zoe? If only they hadn't turned up so early, things could be different today.

I sat up very slowly, not wanting to wake Kimmi. I needed some space. Glancing at the clock told me it was only 5.30am. Jeez. I couldn't even blame it on jet lag anymore. My body just didn't want to be asleep.

I gently pulled on some loose shorts and a salmon vest, some shoes and a grey beanie. I noticed Marcus' bed was empty- ah yes, he had slept on the sofa. He was such a great friend. Part of me wishes I had slept on the sofa...

I watched Kimmi for a few moments sleeping peacefully and felt a tug of guilt. Despite her jealous, overprotective ways she hadn't asked for any of this and I wasn't really being fair to her. In that moment of weakness I even managed to feel a sense of guilt towards Jack. I was playing for his girl when, as much as it pained me, he was her boyfriend. I was such an awful person.

Feeling pretty crappy I quietly tip-toed out the room, gently shutting the door behind me. The house was still, as expected. Remnants of the night before were scattered all over table, floors, work tops. I sighed and managed a small smile. At least the others were having a great time.

I wasn't sure where I was going but after having a glass of water and popping a mint, I found myself sliding across the doors and making my way down the steps to the pool. I noted the spot where Zoe and I had sat merely hours before, where I had almost told her my true feelings and where I'm sure she would have responded telling me the same. Where I had been inches from her beautiful face and nearly, so nearly, kissed her. My heart squeezed with loss. But how could I lose someone I had never had in the first place?

I continued past the pool and went down the spiralling steps that ended up on the beach. We had all come down here once briefly but not since, planning to spend most of our day down here today. Even this early in the morning, the weather was warm and I didn't feel cold in just my shorts and vest. I found myself wandering up the beach, focusing on the waxing and waning of the waves, finding it slowing my heart beat. I had always found beaches therapeutic. I think that's why I missed living in Brighton so much.

I found a spot a few hundred metres from the house. It looks great from here, and I realised how lucky I was to be here. Maybe I needed to stop focusing on the things I can't have and on the thing I did have. I mean, I have a girlfriend which is something lots of people want but aren't yet lucky enough to have. She may have her flaws but, hell, so do I! She still cares for me, looks out for me, is loving as hell (especially judging on last night...) and she had flown halfway round the world to be with me spending money I know she didn't really have! And here I was, whining and moping. I needed to stop being so ungrateful, I decided looking out to sea.

It was at that moment that a voice made me jump out my skin!
"I'm sorry, did I frighten you?!" It was Zoe. After the shock I managed to utter out a nervous laugh and places my hand over my heart.
"Yes! What gave it away, the jump or the fact I need to restart my heart?" I said in a sarcastic voice. She giggled.
"What are you doing out here?" she asked.
"The same as what you're doing, I presume. Avoiding sleep."
"Mind if I sit?" she asked, pointing to the sand and I patted it.
"No course not. It's a free country," I replied and she sat next to me- not as close as she had yesterday by the pool I noticed- but nevertheless she was there, legs crossed. She was wearing black leggings and an oversized hoodie which I presumed was Jack's. Despite the relatively low sun glare Zoe had large sunglasses to cover her eyes. I hated not being able to see them.

We sat in silence for a little while, watching the waves. Zoe played with the sand, her finger tracing shapes. Eventually, she stopped and let out a small sigh, watching the waves.
"So, last night was a bit crazy, wasn't it?" she said, breaking the silence. I gave a few small nods before replying.
"Yeah, if that's what you want to call it," I replied. I looked at her, eyes squinting from the rising sun, seeing her own as she had pushed her sunglasses onto her head. "I could think of some more appropriate names though." She picked up a pebble and tossed it towards the ocean. It landed far from the water's edge.
"Such as?" she challenged me. I paused to think for a moment.
"Disappointing," I said, deciding it summed things up the best. She sniffed.
"Your night didn't sound too disappointing from where I was," she muttered and I looked at her, my mouth dropping open.
"I can't believe you just said that!" I said, my voice shrill, although I wasn't that offended.
"What I have learned though is that she really likes it there," she continued and I could tell she was purposely teasing me now. "Oh Alfie! Right there!" she mimicked, in a surprisingly accurate imitation and flinging herself back onto the sand, one hand on her head in a dramatic fashion. My mouth dropped open further and I let out a gasp of shock that she was being so cheeky.
"Excuse me, Miss Sugg, but I believe you'll find that that is very unnecessary! Your comments have been flagged as inappropriate," I teased.
"Oh yeah, by who?" she teased.
"By me!" I said and I pounced on her to tickle her. She squealed.
"No don't Alfie because I'm really ticklish!!" she giggled. As she struggled to sit up her face met mine, her lips brushing against mine very briefly. It couldn't be counted as a kiss, but the contact was so obvious. We both stopped and I swallowed, my eyes deep into hers. My heart beat as quick as a hummingbird's. My hand was intertwined with hers.

"Just answer me this one question Zoe," I said quietly, my voice shaking. "Does he really love you?" She closed her eyes for a moment. She paused for longer than I'd intended. "OK then, answer me this one instead. Do you love him?"

Her eyes bore into mine, searching. My breathing stopped as I waited for her answer.
"I love the way he loves me," she answered eventually, quietly. "And you?"
I paused, not expecting my own question to be thrown back on me. I squeezed her hand tighter before answering: "I think I could love you better." She said nothing, and I could feel tears welling in my eyes, threatening to spill. I kissed her hand gently, a hot, salty tear dribbling down onto her fingers.