Untouchable

Alfie

"Over here!!!" Caspar called and I looked up before booting the ball over to him. It was gone lunchtime and we were all hanging on the beach. Myself, Caspar, Finn, Marcus and Joe were playing football. Louis and Jim were trying out a new, massive kite they had bought, running along the beach and flying the large, multicoloured object in the air. The girls were in the sea and Jack was in there with Zoe.

We had said nothing else to each other since this morning. It felt strange knowing that she knew how I felt and yet we had stayed the same. The only words she had spoken to me were "excuse me" when she had wanted to reach past me into the fridge to grab a drink. That was it. Nothing else. Zero. Nada.

I watched her sneakily as I passed the ball around. She was wearing a black and white bikini and she looked completely stunning. Jack had his arms around her waist and was holding her close, lifting her up and dipping her back into the foamy waves. She was smiling. It cut me up.

It was then I spotted Kimmi waving at me frantically just to the side of Jack and Zoe. I snapped out of my trance and waved back. She started to come out of the sea, walking up towards me. Shit. The ball landed at my feet and I picked it up, causing all the others to groan loudly.
"I know you're pretty crap at this game Alfie but I thought you knew handball was definitely not allowed," Joe teased. I threw it over arm to Finn.
"I'm just going to speak to Kimmi," I explained.
"Ooooh, under the thumb!" Caspar jeered and I saw Joe shoot him a look. Did he know? I couldn't be sure.

Moving away from the boys I walked towards Kimmi. She also looked very attractive in a red bikini, but I didn't feel the same spark as I did when I looked at Zoe.
"Hey handsome! Your mind was somewhere else then, wasn't it? I was waving for ageeeeees!" I gave a weak smile, before she threw her arms around me and gave me a long kiss. I responded as best I could. She pulled away.
"I like it when you wear these shorts," she whispered. "I prefer it when you wear nothing though," she added, sexily. I gave a nervous laugh which sounded more like a cough. "Let's go inside," she said, already grabbing my hand and leading me up the beach. I turned back and I could see Marcus looking at me. He shot me a disapproving look and I shrugged. What else was I supposed to do?

She paced it up the stairs and round the pool, ending up in our room no more than a minute later. She slammed the door shut and jumped on me, kissing me hard. I kissed her back but it was killing me, as I felt absolutely nothing. She began kissing down my body and walked me back to the bed, pushing me gently down onto it. It suddenly felt like I had no idea what to do. We had done this together hundreds of times, and yet I felt like a first-timer. My hands stayed static as she kissed all down my body.
Before all this happened I would never have objected to her offer. Positively encouraged it, to be honest. If I did now, she would know something was wrong.

Her fingers clutched the waistband of my shorts and they began to tug, trying to pull them down.
"Kimmi, STOP!" I shouted suddenly, surprising myself.
"Don't get stage fright," she teased, still trying to pull them down.
"No seriously, stop," I urged, firmer this time. She stopped and slowly let go of my shorts. I pulled them back up to their normal position and sat up slowly.
"What is it?" she asked, confused. I sighed, running my hands through my hair. What could I say? Make up a lie? I wasn't feeling well? I was too tired? I didn't feel like it?

None of those would cut it. Especially not the last one. Nothing would do except the truth. I couldn't go on anymore lying to her and lying to myself.

"Kimmi..."