Untouchable

Zoe

Author's note: I've gone over 100 views which is truly incredible so thank you! I'm sorry if some of these chapters feel a bit like fillers but they're needed to keep the story going and keep it realistic. Stay with it- more drama to come, I promise! Xxx

*Song for this chapter - "Oceans" by Seafret*

I watched him walk back up the beach, tears trickling down my face. Sobs emanated from within me and, in that moment, it felt like all I had been doing lately was crying. Here I was, on a stunning beach in Los Angeles, with all my closest friends. I had a successful YouTube channel and over three million people who supported me and allowed me to do these crazy things I do. I had battled with a lot, a lot of criticism and issues- it was tough but I was still here. Yet, this situation, one where I was watching a guy I cared so much about walk away from me, was BREAKING me up inside.

When I could bring myself to look again, he was gone and I rest my head in my hands, letting out random, strangled sobs. I had to get myself together. I needed to sort out this situation. But how? Despite my feelings for Alfie, I still had feelings for Jack. We had been together for nearly a year and I would say that, yes I loved him. Once. I could no longer truthfully say I loved him. My growing feelings for Alfie, and the realisation I liked him a lot more than I could have ever imagined had made me seriously question my relationship with Jack. He has always been very caring, very attentive. And yet, I just didn't feel like we were right for each other anymore. He had a lot to offer. But it wasn't something I wanted anymore.

Slowly, I got to my feet. I knew what I needed to do. Yet, I didn't want to hurt Jack. None of this was really his fault. I was trapped. The sand felt powdery underneath my bare feet as I made my way back up the beach. I glanced at my watch, noticing it was now nearly 8am. I had been on the beach longer than I'd thought.

When I reached the top of the stairs I could already see Tanya, Jim and Marcus were up, having breakfast around the fire pit.
"Oh hey Zoe!" Jim called, sounding surprised. "Where have you snuck off to?"
"I just went for a little walk. Couldn't really sleep," I explained, pulling my sunglasses over my eyes again to hide the redness. I didn't want anyone knowing. Although Tanya already knew something was up, which likely meant Jim did too. Marcus probably knew as well, Alfie would have spoken to him. One glance at him out of the corner of my eye confirmed it- he was looking at me with great concern on his face.
"Too hot to sleep?" Marcus asked, obviously subtly pressing for some answers.
"Just a lot on my mind," I replied truthfully.
"Why don't you sit and have some breakfast with us?" Tanya asked gently.
"I'm OK thanks," I replied. "I need to edit my vlog from the last day of Vidcon," I said. Tanya's face looked worried. "OK. Well, come on out when you're ready and I'll make you something." I smiled a thank you and made my way back inside. The rest of the house was quiet, no-one else having stirred yet. Apart from me, everyone else drank quite a lot and were probably sleeping through their impending hangovers. The empty bottles certainly indicated a heavy night.

When Joe had left my room last night I had stayed in there. Jack didn't appear for ages and that upset me a little - maybe Joe had said something to him about me feeling quite panicky and just wanting to be left alone. Regardless, he rolled into our room at around half four, stinking of alcohol. I had pretended to be asleep to avoid any questions or confrontations and he had got in next to me. Within seconds, he was asleep. I, on the other hand, lay awake until succumbing and getting up an hour later.

As I opened the door to our room I saw Jack was still in bed. He was asleep, arms tucked behind his head. I noted his clothes on the floor, thrown off last night before he got into bed. His arms looked big from here, his sculpted chest half visible from under the covers. His face was handsome, looking calm and peaceful. If he only knew what was going on in my head...

As I stepped forward my foot collided with the metal waste paper bin. I cursed loudly, then cursed again quieter for being so noisy. Jack's eyes flickered open and settled on me. A small smile broke onto his lips.
"Zoe!" he said quietly. "Come here." He extended his arms out. I had no choice, so went over to the bed and lay down next to him. He wrapped his strong arms around me and kissed the top of my head. He smelt of stale alcohol and I thought I could detect the faint aroma of cigarettes on him, although I didn't think he smoked.
"Where have you been? I've been dead to the world since I got into bed" he said.
"Just to get some breakfast," I lied. He nodded and moved, stretching his arms far above his head. "And what happened last night? One minute you were there, the next you were gone." I swallowed hard.
"I uh, I just didn't feel too good," I said truthfully.
"Anxiety?" he asked.
"Um. Yeah," I said, lying again and feeling terrible. I had never used something as serious as my anxiety to get out of things or use it as an excuse for something, but I just didn't feel I had any other choice. What was I turning into???
"You know, I do care about your anxiety," Jack said, pulling me closer. "I want to help you out when you're feeling like that." Well why didn't you come and find me last night and help me, if you care so much? I found myself thinking but instead of saying that I just nodded. "OK, I'll let you know next time," I said. He pulled me tighter, arms right around me and as I lay there, I had never like such a truly HORRIFIC person.