The Secret I Tried to Keep

Chapter 43

We waited a few more hours before a doctor finally approached us. Presley stood and met him halfway and we were soon to follow. He glanced at all of us.

"Are you all the family of Zane Reeds?" the doctor asked. We waited in anticipation as we all nodded silently.

"I'm Dr. Preston, Mr. reeds is awake and appears to be very cognitive. As of now, we have no reason to believe that he lost any brain function or memory, but we're going to observe him for 24-hours before we approve him for surgery," Dr. Preston explained. Our little group let out a collective sigh of relief.

"Of course, after heals up from the surgery, we'll want to keep him in the psychiatric wing for a minimum of three days. I want him to talk to a psychologist and try to help him cope with... whatever it was that he was dealing with that caused him to want to end his life, but we can't force him to stay because he's of legal age. He'll have to consent to it himself. And Zane's father, I'm assuming," the doctor asked, motioning to Michael. He nodded before the doctor continued. "Child Protective Services is going to want to speak with you, Mr. Reeds; it's just protocol," Dr. Preston explained. Michael just nodded.

"Of course. I'm just glad he's alive," Michael replied.

"Oh, and Zane Reeds is asking for someone by the name of Dria?" the doctor said. I stepped out of Tyler's touch and stood in front of the doctor.

"That's me," I said all too anxiously. Dr. Preston glanced at my stomach before he smiled at me sympathetically.

"Follow me," he said. I followed him down the corridors of the hospital while trying to stay out of the way of nurses and doctors rushing in every which way. Dr. Preston eventually opened the door to a room and let me inside before closing the door behind me. Zane was on full display with the sunlight filtering in the way it was from the open window. he was reclined on the hospital bed in the middle of the room. There were chords attached to him everywhere on his arms and hands, leading to various machines. His normally tan-ish skin was pale and almost translucent. I could see his blue veins running through his arms. He looked at me and smiled almost sadly. His dark hair was longer than when I last saw him. His normally smooth face had a bit of stubble and there were dark purple bags under his eyes.

"I didn't think you would come, but I hoped you would," he said hoarsely. I wanted to throw something at him and coddle him all at the same time.

"What the hell were you thinking?!" I asked angrily as I grabbed a nearby cup and filled it with water. The beeping of a machine filled the silence  as I handed the cup to Zane. He drank a little of it before setting it on his bed table. My eyes watered with the threat of tears as I stood there with my arms crossed. The first few tears fell as Zane looked at his bed sheets and shrugged.

"I just thought... I was being more of a burden to everyone and it would be better of I disappeared from everyone's lives. That's what you wanted right?" he asked as he finally looked at me. I shook my head as more tears wet my cheeks. My anger instantly melted to guilt.

"That's not fair," I practically whispered. Zane chuckled humorlessly.

"You want to talk about fair? Okay, fine. The one person who has ever loved me, and didn't leave by choice, died. My father left us, and now Presley's left me, too. Oh, and I  sabotaged any half-functioning relationship I've ever had. And you... you wish I never existed. The one girl I love romantically wants nothing to do with me, and I have no one to blame but myself because I pushed you away. So you want to talk about fair? I shouldn't be here right now. And I don't deserve your worry," he ranted before he broke into a coughing fit.  

"Zane, stop it!" I snapped as I stepped closer with my fists balled. It angered me to hear him talk about himself like that. He sipped his cup of water before he released a breath. I picked up his hand that wasn't attached to a bunch of cords and brushed his hair out of his face hesitantly. He squeezed his eyes close and took a shaky breath as stray tears fell down his face.

"Please just go. I don't know what I expected from you anyway," he said quietly.

"No," I said stubbornly as my own tears continued to fall. "Zane, I'm sick of you pushing me away. I never expected you to be perfect. I actually planned on you messing up because you're only human. We're all human, and we make mistakes. But you kept doing it over nad over and over again. I made a mistake too, though. I should have never said what I said to you. I didn't even really mean it, I was just upset and heartbroken because... well to be frank, I love you, Zane. I do love you still, but I was okay with letting you go because you kept hurting me, and then it was like you just... gave up; like you didn't care anymore. You just... replaced me without batting an eye and it hurt. So I wanted to hurt you too, but not like this. I took it too far, and I'm sorry," I apologized, tears streaming down my face now. Zane shook his head.

"No, you were right from the start: you shouldn't love me. I don't deserve it. I should have never slept with Paris again in the first place. Deep down, I knew the rumors weren't true, but you were just... you were too good to be true, and I was looking for reasons to distance myself before you disappeared on me. I sabotaged everything because you actually cared about me, and that scared the shit out of me. I was scared that one day, you would realize just how much better you were than me... and eventually you would leave me for the stupid jock," he explained. I sighed and ran my hand over my face.

"Okay, new deal. I promise that we can start over if you promise to get some help and let me help. Talk to me and let me know what's going on so we can try to fix this for the sake of our daughter," I offered. A genuine smile covered his face as his hand squeezed mine.

"We're having a girl?" he asked happily. I smiled with a sniffle and nodded as I attempted to wipe my tears away.

"She's going to need her father," I said softly.

"And I need you, Dria," he said as he looked at me with raw honesty. I hesitated. On one hand, I didn't want him to feel the need to hurt himself again, but I couldn't be with Zane... at least not romantically anymore. I loved him but I wasn't in love with him anymore. I couldn't afford to be, and over time, it just... wasn't there anymore. I was more nervous about the fact that it might of gone to someone else.

"We'll take it slow and see where it goes," I settled for saying. He nodded in agreement before he brought my hand up to kiss it.

"I love you," he said gently before his eyes met mine. "Both of you... and I don't want to miss anything else," he added. I nodded.

"Then stay... and get better," I replied.

"I promise," he practically whispered.