The Secret I Tried to Keep

Chapter 49

The day of the shower came faster than I was expecting. So far, Zane did well at respecting my wishes and kept his distance. Presley would still come over but I could tell that it was putting a strain on her relationship with her brother. That Saturday, Aria kept me upstairs in my room as she and Tyler got the house ready for the party. Aria finally came up and put me in a floral light pink sundress that flowed to my feet. She curled my hair and pinned half of it back loosely before she applied makeup. She stood back and smiled at her work.

"Damn, I'm good," she said. I laughed and rubbed my hands over my stomach.

"Is it time yet?" I asked for the millionth time. Aria rolled her eyes before she nodded.

"Just go already," she chuckled. We went downstairs to find everything covered in pastel blue and pink decorations. There were baby symbols everywhere... little shoes, pacifiers, rattles, little dresses. It made my heart ache. If I gave up this baby, I'd never get to see her use any of it. It was a silly thought, I know, but it still hurt.

The living room was full of people; mostly people from school. I smiled politely as they all congratulated me. It hurt thinking about giving up my little girl. I loved her and I hadn't even met her yet. It was going to destroy me giving her up. I picked up my empty cup and went to the kitchen as the games continued in the living room. It just felt wrong. Everyone was happy and celebrating, but for what? I wasn't feeling like being a part of the party anymore. I leaned against the counter with a heavy sigh as I closed my eyes. I shouldn't have let them throw me a baby shower. I squeezed my eyes together tightly as they began to burn with tears.

"Dria," a voice called gently. I turned quickly when I recognized the voice: Zane. I let out a breath and tried to hold back the rest of my tears.

"What are you doing here?" I sniffled. He held up an invitation as he came closer.

"I was invited," he replied. "How is everything? How are you? How is our little girl?" he asked. I crossed my arms over my stomach and looked away from him. He squinted as he examined my face. "What's wrong, Dria?" he asked softly. I only shrugged.

"I can't do this," I whispered. Tears brimmed my eyes and spend over as I finally looked at him. "I can't keep her and I can't give her away. I can't-" I choked up and tried to take a deep breath. Zane pulled me into a hug as I cried.

"Shh, Dria. It'll be okay. You'll be okay. I know that whatever you decide, you have the baby's best interest at heart. It'll hurt either way, but you'll adapt and survive because you're smart. You'll figure it out," he tried to comfort me. I pushed away from him and wrapped my arms around myself. I sniffled and looked away from him. I hated feeling so vulnerable and weak and emotional.

"You should go," I said softly. He sighed and shook his head as he came closer to me.

"Pushing me away right now won't accomplish anything. You need help and I'm trying to help. Why won't you let me?" he asked.

"I don't trust you... at least not with me," I blurted. Despite everything and everything I said, I still didn't trust him. A truth I was just realizing myself. There was a silence that settled between us. Zane sighed.

"I don't know what else I have to do. I tried being supportive. I tried backing off. I tried being here, being persistent, giving you exactly what you want, not throwing a fit about Martin. It;s never going to be good enough in your eyes, is it? No matter what I do, it's never going to be good enough," he ranted. In a way, he was right. My view of him was permanently tainted from the start and it probably wasn't going to change.

"Is there a problem here?" Tyler asked as he stepped into the kitchen.

"This bitch," Zane muttered as he rolled his eyes. I glanced at Tyler before I shook my head.

"Everything is fine, Tyler," I answered. Tyler placed a hand on my lower back gently. I knew he only did it as a power move against Zane. I saw Zane's jaw tighten slightly as he looked down.

"You're missing the party," Tyler said to me. I shrugged.

"It was getting very... claustrophobic in there. I needed space. I'm fine, Tyler," I replied a bit curtly. He rubbed my back gently and risked a glance at Zane.

"Alright. Well, I'll be in the living room if you need me," Tyler said almost like a warning to Zane before he left. I sighed and pushed a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

"I see," Zane said as he struck his hands in his pockets. I found myself glaring at him.

"No, you don't see anything, that's part of the problem. You've hurt me so many times that Tyler is just trying to help. He's trying to protect me from you. When you went back to Paris... willingly, I was devastated. When you drank yourself into oblivion, I was going in circles about what to do or if I should've done anything at all. And when you were in the hospital, I was going mad. I literally shut down and shut everyone out. Everything you do affects me in a major way, so maybe it's better for me to just... not notice as much," I tried to explain.

"When are you due?" Zane asked, changing the subject. He knew the date but I figured he was just trying to make conversation change. It was only the middle of January, I was around 21 weeks, and I wasn't due until the beginning of May.

"13 weeks," I answered.

"Can I at least see her once?" Zane practically begged. I looked at his face closely. It was a mix between longing and lost.

"Yeah, you'll probably see her before... if I choose adoption," I said. He nodded gently.

"I just want to see my daughter," he said honestly before he left. I let out a breath and leaned against the counter.

"We sent out the invitations before everything happened. I didn't think he would still show up," Aria said as she came into the kitchen with Tyler. I rubbed my hands over my stomach

"Don't worry about it. It's done. I'm just ready to have this over," I said dismissively.

"It's time for presents, so it's almost over," Aria said with a small forced smile, but I could tell that she wasn't feeling it anymore either.