Chapter 20: A Best Friend’s Wedding
“Chresanto.” I say to him. We’re in the theatre room watching a ‘romance’ but there’s no love here. It’s been 2 months since that fight. And it’s getting ridiculous. No kissing, no touching , nothing… from him. Like we used to be. I know I should’ve said something earlier, but something in the back of my mind kept telling me to just leave it alone. But this love story we’re watching has set me off, and now I’m sick of waiting. I mean, I accidentally called him Roc the other day. That’s how you know it’s bad.
“Hmm.” He says lazily from the other side of the couch. That’s right. We’re watching a movie, sitting on opposite ends of the freaking couch.
“This isn’t working.”
“What isn’t?”
“What the hell do you think?” I say with an attitude. I snatch the remote from his hand and pause the movie. He sighs and looks at me with that same sad expression he’s been giving me since it happened. My spirit used to break when I saw it, but now it’s like I’m immune.
“I’m sor-“
I put my hand up and stop him. “You know how much I hate that phrase.”
“I do. My bad.” He says nonchalantly. Where the hell is my Chrissy??!
“It’s been two months since it happened, you know. And you have not touched me not once. Not at night in the bed, not during the day, not even a kiss goodbye (a:n/hehehehehehehe get the reference im funni). What’s up with that?”
He looks around the room like he’s looking for an answer. I snap and tell him to look at me. “I don’t know Mel.” He says quietly, almost a whisper.
“You don’t know?” I ask. “That’s really all you have to say, Chris?” He doesn’t respond. “That’s not good enough.” I roll my eyes and head up the stairs to the kitchen. I fix myself something to drink and when I’m done I head upstairs for bed. I take a long, hot shower, trying to wash the day and all the stress off of me. When I get out, Chris is waiting by the door. I walk past him without saying a word.
He takes a quick shower. When he opens the bathroom door, his chest is glistening with water and he has a towel wrapped around his waist. He walks around the bed and grabs a pair of boxers and sits down on the edge. Then he lets out a huge breath of air. “Mel,” He says, dropping the towel and putting on the boxers. I lay on my side, turned towards him, and I watch him. He climbs into the bed next to me, closer than we’ve been in a long time. He raises his hand to my right cheek, the one he slapped me on, and he moves to touch it- but he pulls away again. He takes a deep breath and finally he gently rests his hand on it. I sigh inaudibly at the feeling of his hands on me again. “Babygirl, I… I’m so sorry.” His thumb strokes my cheek softly and tenderly. He uses his other hand to wrap around my waist and pulls me closer to him- body to body. His warmth. I haven’t felt him in this way in far too long. “I know you hate apologies and I know I’m giving them to you all the time, but really it’s the only thing I know to say. I’m sorry. I’m so. Fucking. Sorry. For every single thing I do to hurt you without trying. And I am extremely sorry for putting my hands on you the way I did. And I’m sorry for basically ignoring you and being wrapped up in myself these past couple of months. I know that’s not the way to fix what I did, and that I should be showering you in affection and love and all that, but instead I wouldn’t even touch you. It’s all ridiculous and I’m sorry. But I’m at that point where I just don’t know what’s the right thing to do anymore.”
We stare into each other’s eyes for a while. Then he starts talking again. “I’m just scared to do anything around you, because I’m scared I’ll fuck up again. I know I’ve taken up boxing again and we went to that couples counseling thing a few times... but I just still feel like any move I make will cause us to fall apart. And I’m sure you know by now that I can’t lose you. Truth is- I don’t know what I’m doing. That’s me being completely honest. I hope that’s good enough.”
