Neon Fire {dl}

Chapter 22

~Leah

I wasn't sure which was worse: the ever present stinging pain in my hands and arms from my torn skin, or the look of pure sadness and exhaustion that haunted every feature of Demi's face. She took a deep breath, not meeting my gaze.

"What went wrong?" She asked quietly. I gave wry smile before answering.

"I'm not sure it was ever right Demi," I chuckled drily. "Like you said, you're so focused on making it seem like you've beaten your demons you don't notice the cracks."

I turned my head and focused on the beams of light shining through the only window in the room.

"The little voices came back." I continued, my voice wavering. "It was like they never left, playing on every insecurity i have.. That I didn't deserve you. I didn't deserve anyone. And I believed them. I wanted to fight it but it was like I woke up from a dream and all of a sudden I was that scared and lonely little girl again."

I watched as little particles of dust danced through the air, my gaze following their path until the light hit Demi's hair. It looked luminous, taking my breath away. As usual.

I focused in on her expression again and nearly physically flinched when I saw it laced with guilt. I laid my hand on her arm immediately.

"Demi none of this was your fault. None of it. This was all me, ok?" I tried to reassure her desperately. She heaved a sigh.

"You were this close to dying Leah." She said, her voice monotone. "For the second time I almost lost you. I told you how I felt.. About you. About everything. Why do I feel like it's not enough for you?" She broke off and looked away.

"What do I have to do to convince you that I am enough for you." She whispered, her tone bitter now as she visibly tried to fight back her tears. A huge wave of guilt crashed over me as I watched her battle her emotions.

She had never given up on me when I was all too ready to throw my hands up in the air and stop trying. And I had taken all of that and thrown it back in her face. I understood her anger, her frustration. If she had done that to me I would be beside myself with rage. But here she was, bandaging my fucking arms with the most genuine expression of love I have ever seen written across her angelic features.

I gripped her arm and yanked on it, jerking her body basically on top of me. I managed to wrap one bandaged hand around her back while the other slid around her neck, tangling my fingers in her iridescent hair. I met her surprised gaze and crashed my lips onto hers. She didn't kiss back at first, taken aback by my sudden burst of strength, but soon relaxed into me. Her soft lips felt so right against mine. She was my drug. My painkiller. My high.

"You'll never have to prove yourself. To me or to anyone. Ever." I told her, surprising myself at how steady my voice was when in reality I wanted to scream from the amount of pain I was in. But seeing her in pain was worse, her shaky breaths and glazed eyes pushing me on.

"You've seen me at my lowest," I continued. "Like right now. I've never been this exposed to anyone. No one has ever seen this side of me and the fact that you have terrifies me. But you're still here. And as much as that confuses me I am so fucking glad because I can't do this without you. I need you."

I wiped a tear that escaped the corner of her eye but a piece of the bandage ended up poking her in the eye instead.

"Ow! Jesus fuck!" She yelled, holding her hand over her eye. Seeing her face scrunched up sent me into a fit of giggles.

"I'm so sorry Demi oh my god!" I spluttered out, giggling uncontrollably. She gave me a withering look, trying to hide her smile.

"And here was me thinking we were having a moment." She remarked sarcastically, making me smile. It felt good to smile. Really fucking good.