Zuko leaned down over the edge of the pond, staring into his reflection, minutes after Ayame had pushed him away angrily and left. He never knew how to deal with her.
He didn't know how to talk to her or make her understand. Mai was so much easier to be with. She didn't get angry, she didn't annoy him . . . she didn't have any feelings whatsoever. And that was easy to deal with. Emotions just weren't his thing. Should he just give up?
He'd tried so hard. He tried to tell her how he felt but she just wouldn't listen. Zuko got to his feet, slamming a fist against the tree trunk not too far from the edge of the pond. Pain shot up his arm to his elbow and he tried everything he could to not cry out. He looked back down at his knuckles, trying to ignore the sight of the freshly split skin.
"Ouch," he hissed. He couldn't help it. Ayame drove him insane in every way possible.
As he walked away from the stupid pond and the stupid tree, he thought to himself. Was it fate that Ayame kept coming back to him even after all those goodbyes they'd shared? Why was he so connected to her?
Sometimes he thought about all those what ifs. Would life have been easier if he'd never heard of her and captured her to learn the Avatars whereabouts? Would life have been easier if he hadn't been banished? Obviously. He never would've met her then, and him and Mai would be stuck together.
But he loved Ayame.
Zuko stopped, running a finger over his bleeding knuckles. That was the first time he'd admitted it to himself.
He ran his uninjured hand through his hair, letting out a sigh. Why did he even like her when she obviously hated the sight of him?
Then again, Zuko thought about the things Zian had told him those times ago. She'd been jealous of Jin, and now Mai. And Zuko never liked Zian because Ayame had taken such a liking to him and Jet. He groaned. Why couldn't life be simple? Why couldn't everyone just have a stupid happily ever after?
Obviously because happily ever afters were stupid. They were just fake stories that took up all the empty space in people's minds, and that's why people were always so hopeful and stupid. Hope? Not something Zuko actually had.
He pressed the base of his palm to the rough skin below his eye. The marks humans left always turned out to be scars.
Zuko kept bumping into Ayame the whole day. She really looked bored. Bored and beautiful. He rolled his eyes at himself for sounding so lame, earning a glare from her dark eyes.
"I didn't mean that for you—" he tried to say, but she'd walked away too fast. Zuko moaned. He drove everyone away. Even Ayame was starting to keep her distance.
"You can't have both." Her voice kept ringing in his head. She was right. But why couldn't he just tell her?
Mai was a distraction. He'd liked Mai, and he needed her. But with Ayame he felt real, like he could tell her anything, which sounded extremely sappy in his mind. So who could he choose? How could he know?
The next time he bumped into Mei, she hadn't seen him. Before she stumbled backwards and could hit the floor, he caught her in his arms. She pulled away quickly, and he reached out to say something but she shook her head.
"I'm sorry." And then she'd turned and left. Zuko mentally beat himself up. How moody could someone get? Before she left, she looked over her shoulder, stopping. Zuko's heart lifted for a second, before she said, "What happened to your hand?"
He look down at his bandaged knuckles and smiled sheepishly. "The tree happened."
She laughed. "Not as bad as the mirror." She raised her own fist, and Zuko was surprised to find it bandaged too, light stains of scarlet dotting the pure white. And the she turned, disappearing down the hall.
In one entire day, she went from spitfire to cool, calm, and collected, unlike Ayame completely. Maybe because of the tension from the decision she'd be making. Perhaps because of his father, even though he'd laughed with her the first day they'd met. Zuko could bet he liked her more than Zuko himself. Zuko set his jaw, annoyed at the too-true fact.
And the fact that she'd earned Azula's trust so quickly amazed him. She probably wanted to stay for Azula's sake, her decision a yes because Azula kept her company. Even still, Zuko couldn't trust his too-smart sister. She could hurt Ayame any time she wanted. Ayame could be rude, annoying, mean, angry . . . but Zuko knew she was extremely sensitive and gullible. When a person tried to act brave every second of their life, it meant they were trying not to show their soft side. Ayame could be very sweet when she wanted to be.
He also felt that Azula liked Mei more than Ty Lee and Mai. They were almost like sisters, whereas Ty Lee and Mai were her sidekicks. Maybe Azula was slightly afraid of losing Mei as her best friend so she'd been extra nice. But you could never be too sure. Azula was dangerous.
Zuko sat in his room, staring at the scrolls in front of him. He smiled as he saw the scrolls of the whereabouts of the Avatar he'd used so long ago to track him down. His thoughts went back to when he'd saved Ayame from Zhao's ship and she'd called herself Izuki. Uncle Iroh had taken an immediate liking to her. Zuko let out a groan as he thought of the mess he'd put his Uncle in. The visits didn't even pay off. He wouldn't talk to him, and that's when Zuko realized something important.
He was slowly losing everybody he loved, starting from his mother, and probably ending at Ayame.
Because he would probably never be capable of love after her.
