Irreplaceable You

Chapter 12: Mourn

J h o
Days has passed, nandito lang ako sa kwarto ko and locking myself. Not minding what other people's business. Not attending Bea's wake. Not talking to people. I barely eat, sleep and smile.

Not without you Love, I can't... I just can't.

Someone knocked on my door.

"Jho open up, si Ate Ella mo 'to." Ella

I open the door then got back to my bed and covered myself.

"I got you a food here, kumain ka man lang Jhoana, hindi matutuwa si Bea na makita kang ganyan." Ella

"Ate Ells, I can't eat not having Bea beside me. Not having her for the rest of my life." Jho

I broke down into tears again and again.

Niyakap ako ni Ate Ella.

"She's waiting for you Jho. Everyone's waiting for you. Tita Det said she won't bring Bea to the cemetery until you're not showing up." Ella

"I can't, nasaktan ko ang anak nila sa matagal na panahon." Jho

"It's not your fault na hindi ka makaalala Jho." Ella

"Pero hindi ko sinunod ang puso ko edi sana buhay pa siya at kasama ko siya dito." Jho

"Jho, we've been patient with you. It's been three days, ayaw mo na bang makita si Bea?" Ella

"Gustong gusto ko Ate Ella pero not like that. Knowing na hindi ko na siya makakasama." Jho

"You can do this Jho, I know you got this. I know she always got your back." Ella

"I just can't right now." Jho

"Tell me when ever you're ready and Jho, pinapabigay pala to ni Bea right before the accident. She told me she would let you go kasi kay Nico kana daw masaya. I'll be right outside, call us when you need anything." Ella

Kasi kay Nico kana daw masaya, the extent of sacrificing of your own happiness just to have mine. Hay Isabel Beatriz! I don't know how to live anymore. Without you, without my happiness.

She gave me the letter that Bea wrote at lumabas na.

Dear Love,

I hope you remember the first time we met at my house. That day when Ate Ells joked na I should call you mine. That was pretty funny tho love, sobra kang namumula, from that moment kahit first time pa lang kita nakikita. I knew, I'm going to love you for the rest of my life love. Truly hanggang ngayon mahal na mahal kita kahit hindi mo na ako maalala, maalala na ako yung mahal mo. Ako I remember everything from the moment I met you until our accident. I'm sorry I got you into that mess love ako may kasalanan kung bakit di mo na maalala yung tayo. Sana di na lang tayo umalis and stayed and cuddle. Siguro walang mananakaw na Jhoana Louisse. But I wouldn't regret that day, the day of our promise. But I regret that night, di ko akalain na aabot tayo sa ganon. I'm sorry love, I'm very sorry I'm not enough for you and I can't protect you that night.

  It's been nine months and I miss you very bad. I want to kiss and hug you everytime I see you but I just can't. I cannot let that to ruin things that we only have our friendship. It's the only thing I hold on to love. It's the only thing I can see, smell and feel you. Thank you for our friendship Love. It's the only thing I look forward in my life. Did you know everyday I'm praying, praying that God will give your memories back. And if that happens, I'll be here waiting for you. I'll always wait for you love, cause you are always be worth it will all the patience I have.

Hey love I want you to know that there's nothing wrong with you when I made this decision okay? It's me. Yeah, I know it's cliché but it's true. Like I've always said, you are great. I think so highly of you. You are not perfect, like what you've told me. You are more 'Ideal' than perfect. You are the right one for me. You are the best one for me. And the best only deserves the best. Sadly, as competitive as I am, I feel like I'm not at my best, atleast not just yet. But, I'm working on it.