Love Philosophy

Conflicts in relationship I

A relationship has many challenges that comes along with it. One of the biggest issue that needs to be dealt with is 'Anger expression'.

Are you allowed to get angry? Yes, You certainly can.
But the way you express anger needs caution.

The following three ways of expressing anger are the biggest 'turn offs' :

Violence
This includes throwing tantrums, destroying things, verbally and physically abusing people. The partner of such a person, is hurt physically or suffers financially due to their behaviour.

Passive aggression
Not confronting the problem that made you angry and indirectly taking it out through your small interactions.
For example- A was late for a date with B. B was mad at A, but didn't confront it. Instead B starts ignoring A, and keeps making statements like "You don't even care about me, why should I waste my time on you."
The partner has no idea about what caused this and is left confused. They may even feel emotionally abused.

Sadism
This one is the worst out of all.
Hurting people intentionally when you are angry is an act of 'sadism'.

It includes physical abuse, where you hit your partner at the spots that you know will cause them pain.
For example- A gets mad at B.
A starts hitting B randomly, is plain violence. But A hitting B's previously injured hand with full conscious , is sadism.

It includes being bitingly sarcastic, which is emotional abuse.
E.g - A gets mad at B, and A starts shouting "How dare you go against me, Motherf***ker! Get out of my house, you b**t*rd."
This is verbal abuse.
Instead if A says " How dare you go against me? No wonder you are a failure in life. No wonder you got fired at your job. No wonder your 'ex' cheated on you"
This is oral sadism.

It also includes threatening or blackmailing the partner, hurting oneself or threatening to commit suicide so that the partner feels sad.

Such people may not be sadist when they aren't angry and probably even forget all about it later. Nevertheless, their partners have to bear immense pain, be it physical or emotional.

One might say, "This is who I am! I can't change myself. This is just how I express my anger. People who really love me, will accept me anyways."
But I want to let you know that, this isn't who you are."This is whom you have become."

You are capable of evolving into a much better person.
And, the first step, is to realize your own flaws.